Dancing with the Stars Premiere Recap: Who ARE These People?!

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A new set of celebrities hit the floor Monday night as Dancing with the Stars Season 27 got underway. 

This is usually the point we talk about which of the celebrities are notable, but it's difficult to do that when the show has such a random bunch who probably should not have made the cut. 

But they did. 

Mary Lou Retton and Sasha Farber

Let's break down the performances on the season premiere to find out which members of the cast actually stand a chance at winning. 

Mary Lou Retton and Sasha Farber

We liked Retton's chances heading into the season because of her stint in the Olympics. Athletes are more flexible than most, and cutting some shapes on the dance floor is the name of the game on this series. 

They dance the Cha Cha to "Treasure," and there were some glaring issues. It could be a case of it being the first performance, but she will need to loosen up if she wants to remain in the game. 

Len Goodman did say she was "pretty nifty for fifty," so there's that. 

Judges' Score: 19/30

Milo Manheim and Witney Carson

We had no idea who the heck Milo was when the cast was revealed, but after one episode, we're sure he's going to make it very far. 

The Disney star performed the Cha Cha to "Free Free Free," and there was instant chemistry between him and Witney. 

There was some criticism, but most of that stemmed from him moving around at a breakneck pace. It turns out these judges want him to straighten his legs a little bit more. 

Okay then. 

Judges' Score: 20/30

Evanna Lynch and Keo Motsepe

Evanna Lynch and Keo Motsepe

Evanna was memorable as Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter movies, and if she manages to battle the nerves, she could carve out a dancing career. 

She was fast and tried any of the routines set out for her which is no easy task. She was rejected from dance college and is now looking to dance her way to victory. 

She and Keo danced the foxtrot to "Do You Believe in Magic." It's unclear whether Evanna does actually believe in magic. 

Judges' Score: 18/30 

Danelle Umstead and Artem Chigvintsev

Danelle danced the foxtrot to "Rise Up" with Artem. Despite being completely blind, she aced the number. 

The judges seemed to think so as well, calling the duo's bond "magical."

Judges Score: 18/30

Bobby Bones and Sharna Burgess

Bobby Bones and Sharna Burgess

This radio personality went with a jive to "T-R-O-U-B-L-E," and it was a surprisingly fresh performance. Granted, there were some issues, but for the most part, it was solid. 

Judges' Score: 20/30

Juan Pablo Di Pace and Cheryl Burke

Did anyone actually think this Fuller House actor was going to be bad? The moment he appeared on the dance floor with Cheryl and danced a salsa to "Dinero," it was evident he was one to watch. 

Len even went as far as calling him "the hunk with the junk in the trunk."

Judges' Score: 22/30

Nikki Glaser and Gleb Savchenko

Nikki Glaser and Gleb Savchenko

This was one of the more frustrating performances on the night. The comedian went with a salsa to "Yes," but it was far too rusty. 

It felt like an early rehearsal, and the judges pointed that out through their critiques. 

Judges' Score: 17/30

Alexis Ren and Alan Bersten

Was this the biggest surprise of the night? Model, Alexis Ren who we had never heard of before her casting strutted her stuff in a poignant jive to "Good Golly Miss Molly."

She dedicated the performance to her late mother, and the judges were shocked by her dancing ability. 

Judges' Score: 21/30

John Schneider and Emma Slater

John Schneider and Emma Slater

At one point, John Schneider was very famous. Somewhere along the way, he disappeared out of the public eye. 

He returned on Monday night with a solid foxtrot to "Good Ol' Boys from Dukes of Hazzard." We're struggling to conclude whether the song choice was smart or desperate. 

The judges were divided on whether there was something there, but we'll need to stay tuned to find out if he dances to the Smallville theme tune next. 

Judges' Score: 18/30

Tinashe and Brandon Armstrong

Tinasha is the only member of the cast who is still semi-relevant. It makes sense then that she would prove why she was still relevant with her dance routine. 

Her jive to "I'm a Lady" oozed elegance and was filled with showstopping moments. Do we already have our winner? 

Judges' Score: 23/30

Nancy McKeon and Val Chmerkovskiy  

This The Facts of Life star turned in a surprisingly solid quickstep to "It Don't Mean a Thing," and the judges had a mixed response to it. 

She was by no means the best or the worst performer of the night, but there's potential. 

Judges' Score: 18/30

Joe Amabile and Jenna Johnson

Joe “Grocery Store Joe” Amabile and Jenna Johnson

We still have no idea why Joe is part of the cast, but he kept a smile on his face while performing the quickstep to "Fish Out of Water," and it was a resounding failure. 

Will he self-evict or will he be headed home Tuesday night?

Judges' Score: 14/30

DeMarcus Ware and Lindsay Arnold

This former NFL pro closed out the season premiere with an awesome cha-cha to "Sweet Sensation." All three judges were enamored with his ability. 

Judges' Score: 23/30. 

What are your thoughts on the performances? Who should go? 

Dancing with Stars continues tonight at 8/7c on ABC. 

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