Angelina Pivarnick's brief stint on Jersey Shore Family Vacation was probably a ratings stunt coordinated by the show's producers, and not -- as it was framed -- a brainchild of prank war champion Pauly D.
The Rob Kardashian of Staten Island injected some much-needed drama into the proceedings, but last night, she was told to pack her garbage bags and head back north.
Pivarnick's time on the show ended in fitting fashion, by which we mean, it was kind of gross and forgettable.
JWoww was burdened with the unenviable task of informing Angelina that her time in South Beach was over, and the conversation was surprisingly -- and somewhat disappointingly -- drama-free.
“I’m not mad at all,” Pivarnick responds to Jenni's revelation that the rest of the group would like to "finish as a family."
“I was able to be part of something I always regretted.”
Pivarnick isn't exactly known for her way with words ("Um, hello!" has gotta be one of the lamest catchphrases in the history of reality television.), but we think she meant to say she'd regretted the way her relationship with the guidos ended, and she welcomed the chance to make amends.
It briefly looked as though Angelina would go out on a high note, but then she drunkenly sh-t her pants in the cab on the ride home and proceeded to not STFU about it for the rest of the night.
Never change, Angelina. J/k, please change your soiled draws immediately.
Once Angelina had been returned to the reviled borough from whence she came, the cast embarked on a vacation within a vacation.
A vacation-ception if you will.
Yes, for reasons that are never entirely made clear, the guidos head to the Bahamas, where the most interesting to happen was the big reveal that Mike's abs are no longer shredded.
Just when we were wondering if it was too late to bring back Angelina, the show worked in a pair of subplots that might liven up the proceedings a bit.
The operative word there is "might."
First, there's a poorly-acted scene in which Vinny's mom is upset that she's unable to get ahold of him, so she heads to Miami in the company of the ultra-pervy Uncle #MeToo.
(At this point, they should just show producers proposing the idea to these cameo characters, instead of asking us to believe that a camera crew just happened to be hanging out in the Guadagnino residence while Ma was blowing up the duck phone,)
Next, we learn that Mike's girlfriend will be paying a visit to Miami, where Mike will obviously pop the question, because producers have been telegraphing that "twist" since episode one.
Join us again next week, where we'll pick apart the Sitch's proposal and continue complaining about how nothing really happens on Shore, whilst simultaneously acknowledging that we'd tune in for an hour of Snooki reading the phone book out loud.