Boss Sued For "Weaponized Farts," Titty-Twisters In Bonkers Lawsuit

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If you've ever worked in sales, you know that it's a career path that's likely lead you to some very competitive office environments.

If you haven't, think Alec Baldwin's "coffee is for closers" speech from Glengarry Glen Ross, and you have a pretty good idea of how wild things can get when you work on commission.

Young Alec

In the famous scene from Baldwin's pre-over-utilized Trump impression days, the head honcho at a small real estate firm harangues, harasses, and bullies his staff with a combination of threats and sharp-tongued put-downs.

But apparently in the real world, an overzealous manager is more likely to try and insipire you with a purple nurple and a face full of Chipotle wind.

Yes, according to the Fort-Worth Star-Telegram, Jeremy Pratt of AutoNation Acura in League City, Texas has employed some unique negative reinforcement tactics as part of his effort to motivate his staff to get those MDXs off the lot before the 2019s roll in.

Pratt worked in middle-management, and given that he's also a lifelong resident of Fort-Worth, we assume he's a former high school second-string left tackle who married his sweetheart (definitely named Crystal), but things quickly fell apart due to his love of Bud Heavies and expensive fetish porn.

Acura Dealership

Anyway, Pratt was fired from his post after allegedly harassing his employees by twisting their nipples and intentionally farting in their offices.

The intent must be pretty hard to prove on that last one must, as this Central Texas we're talking about, a place where Whataburger is king, and every resident is constantly experiencing a slow anal air-leak, like a punctured bike tire.

After Pratt was fired, one employee who complained, Brett Bland, was allegedly forced out the door shortly thereafter by being given a sales quota that was impossible to meet.

(Editor's note: And we thought Pratt was the only one who had experience forcing things out the door when he's upset! Zing!)

Now, Bland is suing for those incidents of "weaponizing farts," as well as another, in which Pratt allegedly showed other employees an image that was photoshopped in order to make it appear that Bland was a sex offender.

Acura Dealership Image

Probably best if we don't know the details on that one.

Bland claims that after Pratt doctored the image, he sent texts to  8-10 coworkers, saying. “Keep your children safe,” and “you are receiving this because there may be a risk of sex offender activity in your area.”

That Jeremy! What a jokester!

Bland says that Pratt's behavior was tolerated by upper management because we regarded as the office's wild and crazy guy.

Think Michael Scott, but with a colon full of revenge gas.

As a result, Bland is suing not just Pratt, but the dealership itself.

So if you live in the Fort Worth area, you may want to get ready to buy an Acura, because the going-out-of business "Running on Fumes" sale is sure to be a doozy!

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