If you’ve been watching Vanderpump Rules these past couple weeks, you know that the show has somehow packed a season’s worth of drama into just two episodes.
Here’s a brief recap for those who have fallen out of the loop:
Jax Taylor got busted cheating on Brittany Cartwright, and in a thoroughly out-of-character display integrity, he actually admitted to his infidelity.
(But only after staunchly denying it for two days and gaslighting poor Brittany to the point that she was about ready to claw his eyes out.)
Jax and Brittany had makeup sex shortly thereafter, but it seems they’re far from out of the woods.
Indeed, their relationship has problems that not even Jax’s awesome Taco Bell sweater can solve.
One of the major issues that was still in doubt at the end of last night’s episode is the question of whether or not Jax’s cheating partner, Faith Stowers, is pregnant.
That’s right, there’s talk that she’s having his baby.
Fortunately, Jax and Brittany (who are somehow not broken up) can breathe a sigh of relief, as it seems Stowers was never actually knocked up.
She is, however, dying of thirst.
“After Faith had sex with Jax she got her period, but she wasn’t going to tell producers that at all,” a source close to the situation tells Radar Online.
“She just wanted to say she was pregnant for more story time.”
Yes, just like anyone who’s had sex with James Kennedy in the past two years, Faith was in it solely for the chance at fame and fortune.
“Faith wanted a contract," the insider continues.
"Vanderpump Rules pays a couple hundred bucks an episode unless you have a big story line. She slept with him to secure her storyline.”
The source adds that both Faith and Jax came out of the situation looking like horrendous human beings, saying:
“[Faith] did it for time on the show, but she knew she wasn’t pregnant.They’re both awful.”
Yes, it seems Vanderpump has reached that point in the long-running reality show timeline where its cast members are officially too famous for their own good.
What started out as a show about a hard-partying waitstaff has morphed into a series … entirely unlike that.
A series in which young-ish, famous-ish Hollywood types launch various business ventures and happily allow themselves to be exploited by thirsty fans.
Fortunately, while that phenomenon has ruined past reality juggernauts (we’re looking at you, Jersey Shore!), Vanderpump remains entertaining as hell.
These people were desperate for fame and fortune from the first episode, so what we’re witnessing feels like the completion of a story arc.
Couple quick suggestions for producers:
1. Stassi’s ex-boyfriend seems like a douche.
We know they’re broken up in real life, but now that you’ve decided to sell us the "James is not actually pure evil" storyline, maybe try bringing Patrick back next year as a villain?
2. Keep Tom Schwartz hammered all the time, because that’s just comic relief of the highest order.
For those of you who have fallen behind, we strongly recommend you follow the link to watch Vanderpump Rules online.
This is really shaping up to be a hell of a season.