Danielle Bregoli was sentenced to five years of probation, but that won’t stop her blossoming career of … just generally being an infamous sort of person whom people ironically enjoy.
We know that she’s doing the whole reality show thing, which she should do sooner rather than later if she wants any viewers.
But apparently the Cash Me Ousside girl is doing music. This is no longer hypothetical, folks. It’s time to panic.
We’ve known that she can sing for a while, now.
Remember when Danielle Bregoli belted out Beyonce … while for some reason sitting in the driver’s seat of a car?
(We’ll say it now and we’ll say it again, because this cannot be said enough — she is fourteen)
Actually, a fair share of her legal troubles came from stealing her mother’s car, which is the kind of absurdly bad behavior that got her on talk show host and walrus-American Dr. Phil’s show in the first place.
That’s the television appearance that made Danielle Bregoli, when her offer to fight the audience — "cash me ousside, how bow dah?" (meaning "catch me outside — to fight — how about that," in English) — became a viral sensation.
And now she’s capitalizing on that fame.
First, of course, there’s talk of the reality show which … ugh, we’ll get to speculation about that later.
And then there’s this, her upcoming rap career, which spells doom upon all the world.
First, she’s chosen the rap name "Bhad Bhabie," and already changed her Instagram handle.
We don’t know if it’s carefully crafted by industry consultants or if it was Danielle’s whim, but — like so many rap names — it’s super, super bad.
And she’s already doing music, you guys.
Danielle Bregoli’s upcoming single is called "These Heaux," which is pronounced these hoes, because of course it is.
TMZ got to listen to a bit of it and is reporting back on those lyrics and … it’s not great, you guys.
"These hoes be lackin’, see me in back and … they talk all this s–t but don’t say it in person."
Did she rhyme back and and person? Oh boy.
"Water, water drippin’, come take a peek … you in a trailer ho, bitch you can’t compete."
First of all, Danielle Bregoli’s life before a few months ago wasn’t that glamorous, so she’s really putting some distance … while clearly still clinging to the white trash image that’s probably going to part of her brand for a good long while.
Second of all … she just rhymed peek with compete.
We feel a headache coming on.
Danielle Bregoli also brags in the lyrics about "sippin’ lean" and about riding in a Maybach (which is basically just a type of Mercedes).
Oh, and she brags about her ability to keep a man.
She is fourteen, you guys.
Obviously, fourteen isn’t too young to date or whatever. Plenty of young people engage in some form of hooking up at younger ages with zero adverse results.
The key, of course, is for them to be safe and smart and for their boyfriends and girlfriends to be, you know, age-appropriate.
Danielle’s newfound celebrity might help keep her from becoming sixteen and pregnant, we hope, but it might put her into even more contact with creepy older dudes.
(We’ve already heard about 27-year-old Tyga flirting with Danielle Bregoli, because he’s such a creep)
We totally get that, between her image as an up-and-coming public personality and just being a teenager, Danielle is eager to portray herself as an adult.
(She’s also undoubtedly been emotionally and psychologically scarred by her upbringing and really, really can’t help how she acts unless she gets the help that she needs)
But we want her newfound fame to be her success story. You can play a white trash character for the cameras and in the recording studio and still go back to your nice home and behave yourself well in real life.
We want that opportunity for Danielle. Life’s handed her a bunch of lemons and maybe she’ll manage to turn them into lemonade.
But we’re very aware that her life could get worse, not better.