Jenelle Evans isn’t exactly known for being a stable individual.
She’s actually mostly known for getting pregnant, smoking weed with Kieffer, and heroin.
Oh, and for assaulting people. And getting arrested. And trying to get out of going to jail so she can go to a Kesha concert, because dude, that’s why she got all those feathers in her hair.
What we’re getting at with all this is that Jenelle has been a hot mess from day one.
And sure, she kicked heroin and it’s been a while since she’s been arrested, and those are sincerely some impressive accomplishments.
But as we’ve been seeing on this new season of Teen Mom 2, she still has some issues.
And, as she reveals in her new book, Read Between the Lines: From the Diary of a Teenage Mom, some of those issues are more serious than we’ve ever realized.
In multiple entries in the book, Jenelle reveals some seriously troubling thoughts she had as a child — suicidal thoughts.
In one entry from the summer of 2005, when she was only 13 years old, she wrote about how she got in trouble for hanging out with an 18-year-old guy.
“Now my mom doesn’t love me any more, she wishes I drop dead,” the entry reads. “That hurts me so much and now I have no one to love me.”
“I want to tell my mom that I’m sorry for being born because I know I was just another accident.”
13-year-old Jenelle added “She’s also canceling modeling cuz she thinks I’m too ugly for it … she tells me I’m a lil whore. She treats me like I’m not alive.”
“But then she won’t let me kill myself cuz she’ll go to jail or something.”
That’s shockingly disturbing, right? She was so young, but she really sounded very, very troubled.
And, as grown-up Jenelle explained alongside the old diary entry, a lot of the things she wrote back then weren’t even true.
“I know it reads like a kid just regurgitating what she heard,” she wrote, “but I know my mom didn’t say those things to me.”
“I must’ve been really upset, and made up a bunch of stuff to make myself feel better about being punished for something, at heart, I knew was my fault.”
So not only did little Jenelle write about killing herself, but she also wrote some fiction about how her mother called her a “lil whore” and how she told her she couldn’t kill herself because she’d go to jail?
Then, in an entry dated in April of 2006, she mentioned suicide again, simply writing “I cannot believe I was about 2 kill myself and film it.”
For this remarkably upsetting entry, Jenelle explained that it was simply “Another cry for attention, I am certain of it.”
This time, her cry for attention worked — a friend told her boyfriend about what she’d written, and “it upset him and he decided enough was enough.”
“He was tired of investing time in a girl who thought trying to kill herself were just things to try out for the fun of it.”
The Jenelle of today also explained that while she did write about suicide from time to time, she never actually attempted it — though she did cut herself once.
“I tried cutting myself for the first and last time,” she wrote in another section of the book. “It wasn’t anything serious, just a few scratches on one arm.”
“I tried it out because I had heard other kids at school talk about how it relieved stress and helped me get over bad stuff that was happening around them.”
As if we didn’t know already, it seems like her book makes it crystal clear that Jenelle had a very troubled childhood — and it also makes it a little easier to understand how she turned out the way she did.
Again … damn, Jenelle.