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Sure, the Bible already has two testaments, but does the Lord in those stories ever take revenge on his ex by hooking up with Bella Thorne?

We didn’t think so.

That’s why the world needs the gospel according to Scott Disick.

Scott Disick Stands

As you may know, Disick is going through a bit of a tough time lately.

After learning that baby mama Kourtney Kardashian is dating Younes Bendjima, Disick appears to have full-blown lost it.

Disick traveled to Cannes and began cavorting around town with Thorne, Sofia Richie, and other barely-legal semi-stars.

It may seem that Disick’s motives in drinking Cannes dry and partying with starlets is self-evident, but apparently there’s more to the story.

Disick wants revenge on Kourtney, and he thought publicly groping teens was the way to go about it.

Scott Disick Under Fire

Fortunately, it seems he’s now learned the error of his ways.

Scott hasn’t gotten over his desire for petty revenge, mind you.

He’s just realized there are better ways to go about it.

According to In Touch, Scott is writing a tell-all designed to take down the Kard clan.

“He’s getting up to do a complete takedown of the Kardashians,” said the magazine’s insider.

“[Scott’s] been compiling a 10-year dossier on the family."

Scott Disick Laughs It Up

Yes, Disick has a dossier.

And it apparently it’s full of bombshells that will make the Comey hearing look like three boring hours of crap we already knew:

"It includes the dirty tactics Kourtney, Kim, Khloé, and mom Kris Jenner use against their enemies, how scripted the drama on Keeping Up With the Kardashians really is, and the women’s innermost secrets," says the insider.

Keeping Up With the Kardashians is scripted?!

We assume Disick also has a chapter about wetness of water and the Pope’s suspicious devotion to Catholicism.

Oh Lord

But in all seriousness, the time is right for another Kard clan tell-all.

Caitlyn Jenner’s memoir sold surprisingly well, and Scott is probably even more pissed off at the family that made him famous.

Plus, we might finally get to find out if Disick really hooked up with Kendall.

Or Kylie. Or Khloe.

Hell, at this point it’s been rumored that Scott banged just about every Kardashian except Rob,

And frankly, we can’t wait to hear about it.