Farrah Abraham, Teen Mom and walking, talking cautionary tale, isn't exactly known for making sense.
Really, she's known for the exact opposite of making sense.
She's rude, offensive, she struggles with communicating even the simplest of ideas.
Her body may be a plastic, porn-tastic wonderland, but her brain? There aren't even words for that nightmarish hellscape.
And so when you check out this new interview Farrah just gave in which she discusses all the gifts she's giving to her poor daughter, seven-year-old Sophia, for Christmas ...
Well, it's not a surprise that it's so awful, not exactly, but it's still kind of jarring.
You never get used to this level of insanity.
In the interview, Farrah says that "On her wish list was a jacuzzi, golf cart, her Apple computer that she wanted, and a miniature horse."
Reminder: Sophia is 7. What kid her age asks for a jacuzzi and a golf cart, and what kid asks for a miniature horse and actually gets one?
"It's been a lot to prep for each gift," Farrah explains. "As a mom, I checked off all of that and some stuff from her store."
What is a seven-year-old going to do with a golf cart? Or, to be more accurate, what is a seven-year-old going to do with a golf cart that isn't terrifying and dangerous?
And why does the kid need "her Apple computer that she wanted"? At her age, she's just going to be googling Barbies and watching Justin Bieber videos on YouTube, a cheaper computer would suffice.
That's not even touching on the bit about the miniature horse. Does Farrah understand that the horse is a living, feeling being and not a toy?
Farrah has shown time and time again on Teen Mom that she can't even take care of a dog, how is she supposed to manage a horse?
But, according to Farrah, it's not all about the gifts.
"We love the tradition of always meeting Christmas Eve," she says, "and doing a big family lunch or dinner -- so we always do that."
"Family plans -- other than being with each other and spending quality time, that's what really matters."
Dear Farrah also recalls a childhood Christmas of her own, one when her mother bought her every single Beanie Baby.
"We had so many gifts that year, it was nuts," she recalls.
But alas, Farrah says that "I have yet to fully immerse myself in the Christmas spirit like that, we just did the lights up everywhere in the yard the house."
"Sophia wanted to do her Christmas tree this year, so I let Sophia decorate."
Well, hope she likes that little horse, Farrah.
Also, hope she enjoys the next few years, until she faces the crushing disappointment that is the reality of her mother.