If you've never heard of Dan Bilzerian, just imagine if Hunter S. Thompson's gun collection and Chuck Norris' beard had a love child and gave it a multi-million dollar trust fund.
So what's left for a 34-year-old man who's already accomplished so much...except to run for the highest office in the land?
Yes, Bilzerian has become the latest mentally unstable megalomaniac to jump into the already over-crowded pool of 2016 presidential candidates.
The idea of a man who seems to have few interests outside of boobs and blowing stuff up occupying the White House may seem ridiculous at first, but when you think about it, Bilzerian might have just the right mix of qualities to make him America's ideal leader:
The libido of JFK. The cocaine tolerance of Bush. The beard of Lincoln. And, of course, Harry S. Truman's taste for breaking out the big bombs and making things go boom.
In case you doubted Blitz's seriousness, tickets are already on sale for his June 24 campaign launch party in NYC.
Was your favorite candidate surrounded by thongs and assault rifles when he announced? We didn't think so.