This week on The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 9 Episode 12, there were fake babies, there were real babies (adult ones), and real drama.
And puppies. Puppies!!
As always, you can watch The Real Housewives of Orange County online to experience it for yourself, in full. But here's a recap of what you missed ...
Vicki Gunvalson, the Mayor of Puerto Vallarta, jumps on the bar to dance in vintage Vicki fashion. She certainly is who she is and does not hold back.
That also means being a great friend (to Shannon), being a terrible friend (to several other people), and being totally delusional about Brooks Ayers.
Tamra Barney is still carrying around a fake baby in a totally non-scripted storyline that would absolutely take place in real life with people you know.
Eddie Judge, who doesn't want a baby, is fighting with Tamra, as his her grown son Ryan, and not simply because of any roid rage. It's getting awkward.
Heather Dubrow is out for family time with her family talking about how important family time is before the nanny comes and takes the kids out for ice cream.
Nothing says family like Heather. Because she wants another cute critter someone else will take care of, Heather says they should get a dog too.
In Mexico, David and Shannon enjoy some horseback riding time Vicki arranged ... and by enjoy, we mean her whining, bitching, and trying to humiliate Dave.
When she's not mocking him, beating him down about every little thing or acting like a general crazy person, she is basically begging him to love her.
It is uncomfortable and heartbreaking to watch and borderline ridiculous that they allow it to be filmed and leave it as a legacy their kids will have to endure.
Lizzie, meanwhile, is at a store trying to sell her swimwear line, as Tamra and Eddie send their fake baby back to the company for a report of how they did.
Spoiler alert: Eddie still doesn't want a child with her!
Tamra says she was always been planning on them having a kid, which is a bizarre considering 1) her age, 2) she has four already, 3) he's never wanted one.
Spoiler alert #2: The results are in. They fail!
But at least we know that Tamra can breastfeed Eddie if she's so inclined. There's some imagery we know you wanted to start your Tuesday morning.
At the last supper in Mexico, Brooks actually asks the group who they like the most, and the least. Apparently Brooks is 60 years old going on 10.
After David says they are "disappointed" in Tamra, Brooks says he and Vicki are at odds with the fact she still talks to her. Hope he doesn't beat her for it.
Back home, Heather sets up a pen for two new dogs that were not from a shelter, despite how crucial it was that her kids know about shelter dogs.
Tamra and Vicki come together for a totally not-forced conversation to recap the week's events, as fans are left to wonder where it all went wrong.
And tune in next week for the next chapter of Shannon's meltdown.
What did you think of The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 9 Episode 12? Share your comments on the unforgettable installment below ...