School Gives Kids Ridiculous List of Things to Do Instead of Sex

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Christian schools in Australia are taking the teenage sex problem by the proverbial horns. 

They have put together a pamphlet to give out to their students that include a few alternatives. Not totally sure it will get the job done.

2 Straws

Now, I'm all for education and helping teens make informed decisions. Giving them ideas as to how to have a relationship while keeping it in their pants, these are good ideas.

However, I don't know that telling a seventeen year old to "pretend you are six again" is really the way to go.

Full disclosure: I am far removed from my teenage years and when I was a teenager I was about as straight-laced as they come. However, even I would have rolled my eyes at a list that suggested that making lunch for the elderly was a substitute for sex.

Blow bubbles in the park? Have a water fight? Go fruit picking? Yes, these sound like fine activities but never would I think to list those on a sex-alternatives pamphlet. 

Then there are some that aren't even activities I would suggest in general, ever.

Sharing a drink with two straws? Have they not ever heard of germs? Backwash? That's just gross.

Visit the ASPCA? Have they ever seen those sad dogs in there? Teenagers would end up with a house full of adopted puppies!

The best though is the suggestion that instead of sex, teenagers surprise their parents by having sex, I mean, cleaning the house. 

Cleaning the house. 

There just aren't words. 

Good luck with that Australia!