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After a one-week, Oscar-induced hiatus (some things are still bigger than the Kardashians) Kourtney & Kim Take Miami returned with a bang Sunday.

KKTM continued tackling the big, mostly contrived issues in the sisters’ lives, as well as Jonathan Cheban, who we last saw getting BELTED by Kourt.

How’d things play out this week? Find out in THG’s recap!

Kim Kardashian and Kanye in NYC
Photo via Getty Images

Right off the bat, Kim’s friend Karen asks – without prompting from the producers WHATSOEVER – if she thinks she’ll marry Kanye West someday.

“I do,” says Kim, smiling. Groan. Minus 175 for the cheesiness of that scene, and Plus only 25 for the sentiment, because we don’t think she’s serious.


Fortunately, other people had business for Kim to insert her giant butt into. Namely Kourtney and Jonathan, her older sister and … whatever he is.

Kim warned Kourtney that Scott Disick would probably stray, and not just because he’s an ass, but because Kourtney doesn’t spend time with him.

Kim to Kourtney: “He’s gonna cheat on you, and it’ll be your fault,” Kim says. Damn. Minus 75 for the comment, but Plus 25 for brevity at least.

“You’re literally going to lose him,” said Kim, accruing another Minus 100 for the unnecessary use of literally as she continues doing her Dr. Phil impression.

Give Kim credit, though, because Kourtney booked a romantic vacation for the two to Paris … which sort of backfired when he tried to bring pals.

Scott? Never one to be in tune with a woman’s feelings. Minus 50, because he clearly does care for Kourtney and the kids, but he’s in his own world.

He really proved this when he failed to put a lock on Lover’s Bridge, though he got it right the next day and sort of redeemed the trip for her. Plus 50.

Scott: “For me personally, I think it was a great time. I just wish I had popcorn.” Sorta like how we feel every week watching this show, dog. Plus 25.

Meanwhile, Kim worried about Jonathan’s friendship with business partner Simon Huck, even though the two are never happy unless they’re unhappy.

Naturally, Kim organized a dinner and surprised Jonathan with an appearance by Simon, which did not go over well at all. Minus 25 for meddling.

Tagline: Kim Kardashian. Always getting her ass involved.

Jonathan Cheban: “What are you, Judge Judy?” Plus 75.