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In the kind of study teenage males across the country can support, new research shows that the squeezing of breasts can help prevent terminal illness.

According to Gautham Venugopalan, the lead researcher at the University of California, pressure on this body part can suppress the growth of cancerous cells.

“For centuries people have known that physical stress can affect the body,” Venugopalan said, adding that the study “also showed that physical stress can affect cell growth.”

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In a university trial, scientists pressed and squeezed silicon that contained malignant cells, seeing after awhile that the cells which underwent this pressure started to grow normally, as opposed to dangerously.

“We are showing that tissue organization is sensitive to mechanical inputs from the environment at the beginning stages of growth and development,” said Daniel Fletcher, professor of bioengineering at Berkeley.

These findings were presented at the annual meeting of the American Society for Cell Biology in San Francisco Monday, with Fletcher concluding:

“Compression, in and of itself, is not likely to be a therapy. But this does give us new clues to track down the molecules and structures that could eventually be targeted for therapies.”

So there you have it, fellas. Second base has never been more important to the health of your partner.