Jersey Shore Season 6 premiered last night on MTV.
The gang has certainly come a long way since their initial hookups, pranks, fights and hot tub romps of 2009. With a sober Situation and a pregnant Snooki, it’s … different.
Was it still a little bit nuts, and more importantly, fun?
Let’s recap Jersey Shore, THG style, and find out!
Snooki is engaged to Jionni LaValle and knocked up. Maybe you heard. Plus 12. Mike went to rehab and has been sober for awhile. Maybe you heard. Plus 10.
A reality show has run its course when the stars are so big that you already know these things. Well, unless you’re the Kardashians, then you start making $h!t up. Minus 10.
JWoww and Roger Mathews, Ronnie and Sammi, Pauly and Vinny … the gang is totally wifing up before our eyes. It’s a magical thing, true romance. Plus 25.
Mike is serious with that filthy, dirty Paula (we mean that as a compliment), and Deena is “finally happy” with her boyfriend, Chris. Is there no one left to go insane? Minus 20.
Sitch, in an effort to apologize for his past misdeeds, cooked dinner. Snooks and Jenni were unmoved, at least in the early going. Not gonna cut it dawg. Minus 15.
Hey, at least he tried though. Plus 5.
It’s GTL tiiiiiiiiiime! Been too long. Plus 20.
It’s Deena crying over Chris time. Minus 10.
“Nicole not being able to tan at a tanning salon is like a fish looking at the sand.” – Pauly. Plus 5 for that awesome analogy and for his Tannest in the House title.
CABS ARE HERE and off to Karma we go. Well, except for Snooki, who went on a date with Jionni instead to avoid the temptation to drink. At six months.
Smart, but is her willpower that low? Minus 10.
The Situation, meanwhile, was slamming them back! By them we mean water and Red Bull. He’s holding up pretty well so far it looks like. Props dawg. Plus 30.
Sammi and Ronnie started arguing. It’s good to see some things never change. This time it was over … something about who ate what or when. Who cares. Minus 5.
Deena then bursts into tears because Vinny was talking to her BF Chris about getting some furniture and she thought they were talking about … who knows. Minus 20.
The Situation says “I spoke to my girl and she says that yo girl has … uh … her period.” Yet it sounds like he says herpes, intentionally or otherwise. Plus 20.
Pauly: “I don’t get down like that. What do we do?” Plus 10.
Rule #67 of the Swag Handbook, per Mike: “You cannot have sex with a girl that’s on her period, unless it’s your girlfriend. And unless it’s your girlfriend for a minute.”
As such, Mother Nature c-ck blocked Pauly D. Plus 25.
Vinny joked that he and Jionni are Eskimo brothers (when two guys have sex with the same girl). Snooki was unamused. Plus 20. She should also consider a paternity test.
“I honestly just wanted to get a knife last night and cut Vinny’s throat.” – Snook. Plus 5.
Mike’s sobriety and Vin’s anxiety bring these two together like never before. It’s actually kind of sweet to see the guys bond over (dare we say it), mature conversations? Plus 30.
“I have a million girls that can do what you do.” – Ron to Sam. A million that can endure drunken rampages and epic arguments over nothing? Impressive, Ron. Minus 25.
JWoww appropriately coins the term Ronning. Plus 10.
Vocabulary lesson of the week: “Integrity means like shame. Like, ‘I got a lot of shame, I got a lot of integrity.'” – Deena. Holy cow this girl is not smart. Minus 20.
Other top Deena exchange: Deena (at the bar): It’s five o’clock somewhere ... JWoww: It might actually be five o’clock. Plus 10.
Lastly, Snooki drops the bomb – she’s considering getting her own place for the summer – a tiny apartment next door – because she’s concerned about her pregnancy.
Thank goodness for Lorenzo’s sake. Plus 15.
“This blows for me.” – Deena. Minus 10.
EPISODE TOTAL: +95!
Jersey Shore …