Jersey Shore Recap: One Ugly Situation After Another

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Last week's Jersey Shore ended with a cliffhanger of sorts. After the realization that Snooki's kooka cuddled with Vinny's junk,she spilled the beans to Jionni.

In this episode, we saw the conclusion of this epic saga, which went about as you'd expect. Meanwhile, a lot of people are really not big fans of Situation.

We've always liked Mike in spite of his significant flaws. But his failure to see that he has such flaws - and thus feel sorry for himself - is beyond baffling.

As always, we break down all of the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you as we analyze Thursday's gripping installment, THG +/- recap style!

HOT Deena Nicole Cortese

Jionni clearly was not happy, but he merely sounded disappointed ... that low tone of voice designed to make the other party feel guilty and like a useless human being. Plus 14 for not screaming and thus making Snooki look sympathetic.

He told Snook that he "can't call her his girlfriend." Same here man. Plus 7.

Minus 11 because clearly they're back together, rendering this pointless.

Elsewhere on the aspiring roommate hookup front, wannabe Snooki Deena really wants her kooka to cuddle up to Pauly D. Minus 5 for not taking a hint.

Minus 20 more for how she says "do sex." NO ONE SAYS THAT.

Pauly, to his credit, busts out every trick in the book to resist getting it in, all without coming off like an d!ck. He was rather skillful, we must say. Plus 16.

Vinny, take note. You don't have to pork Snook next time. Minus 3.

Plus 8 for Vinny's hilarious confessional parody of Pauly. Oh yeah!

What's more disgusting, smushing Snook or brushing your teeth with hair clippings? Wash, because there's probably a lot of guys who'd prefer the latter.

It took awhile, but Florence passersby are apparently starting to make like the crowds of Seaside, engaging the cast and looking to start $h!t. Plus 4, but careful who you "shame," Italians ... you don't want to end up like this ass clown:

Mike, not Ron, attempts to act hard and posture back. Oye. Minus 5.

OMG you KNOW a fight's about to go down. Ronnie and Pauly say they’re gonna tear the crowd apart until ... nothing happens. Anticlimactic much? Minus 15.

After club bouncers escorted everyone out, Snooki and Deena were not about to call it a night. If you're not blacked out, it's not time to pack it in. Plus 9.

Team Meatball might regret that decision if they could remember it, between groups of Italian dudes harassing them and the ice thrown at them. Minus 6.

Deena talks about being good in bed a lot. If you have to say it ... Minus 3.

Okay, Plus 2, because those two deserve ice thrown at them a little bit.

Plus 7 more, because breaking bottles, as we know, solves everything.

JWoww and Sammi are, like, actually becoming friends, bonding over the fact they are moderately sane and Team Meatball is totally outta control! Plus 14.

Snooki and Deena Photo

That jacuzzi probably needs to be thrown out after this season. Minus 4.

Also, Sam and Ron have not fought in like a month! Plus 21.

Pauly and Vinny take their bromance to bed. LOL. Plus 9.

Oh boy. Sitch really opened up a can of worms calling out Deena for doing nothing around the house. Plus 5, as we're sure it's true, but Minus 10 for going there when you cause plenty of other problems by merely existing yourself.

Deena to Mike, after he calls her fat: “I can lose weight for free but you need about 10 grand to fix your f*%king face.” Boom! Plus 9.

Mike, once again, feels way too sorry for himself. Minus 30.

Next week is the season finale, but they're already talking about rooming situations (pun not intended) in Seaside, reminding us that yes, there's a fifth season of Jersey Shore coming our way this winter. Fist. Pump. Plus 20.


Jersey Shore is totally ...

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