Dirty Soap Recap: Kelly Monaco Gets Closure

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The driving force behind much of the first four episodes, Kirsten Storms and her health woes were mostly absent from last night's installment of Dirty Soap on E!

We wish her nothing but the best.

There was plenty of other soap action to digest, though, from a nearly disastrous National Anthem outing to valuable perspectives in one star's hometown ...

Kelly Monaco Bikini Photo

The woman seen above is Kelly Monaco. Despite a successful acting and modeling career, and looking like this, the 35-year-old has some major insecurity issues.

At her parents' house in Pennsylvania, Kelly’s mom tells her she’s too skinny ... a charge she denies until she realizes she weighs just 92 pounds. That's not a lot.

Rather than resenting her mom, Kelly is grateful that she was honest and helped her see the light. Then they talk dating. Kelly just needs to put herself out there!

There is talk about her starring as The Bachelorette, and while we could almost see ABC pulling that kind of stunt, Kelly does not seem enthused about the idea.

She's also less than enthralled about Mike stopping by to visit.

If only she had a choice. At a local watering hole, where Kelly had her first job back in the day, in walks Mike, certainly not prompted at all by E! producers.

Kelly is the love of his life, Mike proclaims. Mike is Michael Gonzalez, who dated Kelly for 18 YEARS before they split up in 2009. That's ... a lot of baggage.

He wishes he could take back things that hurt her, but she says that this is over, for real, because he can't love her and can't love himself. High five, Kell!

Armed with closure, she sets out to begin a new chapter.

Dirty Soap Cast

Elsewhere, Nadia Bjorlin is asked to sing the National Anthem at a San Diego Padres game. This is a great opportunity, but the last time she sang it? Poop.

Their words, not ours. Brandon Beemer reminds her that many have messed up the song (Not Zooey Deschanel last night, but Scotty McCreery last week).

He and Farah Fath will both be there to support her ... if they can make it to Petco Park on time. Traffic on the way to the game in San Diego was brutal!

Fortunately, they make it with seconds to spare and Nadia belts out a non-poop version of National Anthem with Farah and Brandon watching. Way to go!

Brandon bestows upon Nadia a framed photo of her performing live another time - with her dad at her sister’s wedding reception. That brings her to tears.

Meanwhile, Farah and John-Paul Lavoisier take a road trip to Kentucky to visit her family ... and also do a photo shoot for a bourbon company, obviously.

Farah's dad, again with ZERO prompting from producers, encourages JP to put a ring on it during a golf outing. Hey, the clock's ticking for grandchildren.

Then it gets more serious as dad takes his daughter to a bar - for bourbon, natch - to talk. If she wants kids, says dad, JP is NOT looking like the right guy!

Farah sort of tells off her dad, saying she’s content with no kids and content with JP ... however she's open to leaving him if he's not cutting it down the road.

So ... he's Mr. Good Enough. Icing, but no cake, if you will. Farah reminds JP that adults do talk about these things. Will he propose? Should she dump him?

What did you think of this week's Dirty Soap? Comment on it below!

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