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On the season finale of Bachelor Pad, old wounds were reopened, a romantic bombshell was dropped, and a STAGGERING prize of $250,000 was awarded.

There were tears shed. There were some extremely awkward moments.

By the end, two couples from The Bachelor and Bachelorette were left standing. Read about it all below in THG’s official +/- Bachelor Pad finale recap:

Vienna Girardi, Sideways Selfie

“I’m trying to act strong, ’cause I don’t want Michelle to worry, but I am literally pissing down my leg.” – Graham on the set of Cirque du Soleil. Literally. Plus 5.

Kasey and Vienna, of course, guaranteed they’d win this task and earn a spot in the finals. And, of course, they failed to do so. And, of course, she wept. Minus 6.

Mike and Holly took home the #1 spot thanks in no small part to his performing arts / dance background, but hey, guy needed a bone thrown his way, so Plus 8.

The judges – Jason Mesnick, Ali Fedotowsky and Trista Sutter – eliminated Ella and Kirk. Boo, but seeing those three was kind of fun, so that’s kind of a Wash.

Ella is DEVASTATED by losing the chance at $250,000 … which would really be like $125,000, which would really be like $100,000 after taxes tops. Minus 4.

Somehow someone paid for Ella Nolan’s plastic surgery anyway, BTW. She can’t need the money that bad. Minus 10 more ’cause she was gorgeous before.

Vienna berates Kasey’s attempts to persuade Michael. What a grating bitch. Minus 50. How does anyone actually date this girl, let alone to of these guys?!

Despite standing a better chance to defeat them in a jury vote a la Big Brother, Michael and Holly elect NOT to take Kasey and Vienna to the finals. Plus 100.

At the reunion, the Kasey and Vienna sideshow continued. The montage of their drama was epically bad/hilarious, and must have taken ABC weeks. Plus 12.

If you get past the fact that he’s now been on like nine reality shows, Jake did acquit himself fairly well here. He even got Kasey to apologize. Sniff. Plus 15.

Kasey has an actual speech impediment that makes us feel bad about all the jokes we made. But he’s still acted like a douche throughout, so Minus only 5.

Ames Brown and Jackie Gordon are not together. Minus 7, since that looked like it had potential, and she was obviously still broken up about it. Poor Jackie.

Michelle Money and Graham Bunn are dating, and he’s been her rock as she’s coped with the passing of her cancer-stricken father. Plus 10 for Moneybunn.

Vienna and Kasey are still together, which means we will probably have to see more of them in the future and report on it, so Minus 30 in advance.

Holly Durst and Blake Julian are an item. And moving in together. And engaged. ABC filmed the proposal, of course. No points, since we can’t even try to compute all of that so fast, especially given that Mike didn’t know yet.

Speaking of which, they dropped the bomb on Mike ON CAMERA! Minus 40 for kicking the poor guy while he’s down, compelling television as it was.

Mike’s sincerity and graciousness shone through. Plus 30.

Blake and Holly: We give it six months. Minus 5. You?

It’s no surprise, then, that with the votes of Jake, Erica, Ella, Jackie, Ames, Rated R and yes, Blake, Mike and Holly won Bachelor Pad, then shared the (modest) riches. Minus 10 for Stag coming away with something at least.

If Holly had decided to keep all the money: 1. It would have totally worked; 2. It would have been an unbelievable “game” move; 3. Michael’s reaction would have been PRICELESS. But Plus 19 for not sucking and actually doing it.


ELIMINATED: Far, far too many brain cells.