Is Deena Nicole Cortese actually bisexual, or just putting on a show for MTV cameras? Unclear. Did she just pull a robbery on Sitch and Vinny? Quite clear!
That was not a Jersey Shore plot line we saw coming. The exposing of Sitch and Snook’s smush session and the Ron-Sam reconciliation, however, felt inevitable.
As always, we’ve recapped all the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you below. Let’s break last night’s episode, “Twinning,” THG +/- style!
Snooki wants to grab a glass of wine with Ron before GTL. Lush. Minus 4.
He plans to have “the conversation” with Sam soon, he says. We’re already feeling a bit scared, emotionally drained, and excited for the fireworks. Plus 5.
Snook feels Luigi’s “weiner” at the gym. He nods and laughs, since he doesn’t understand. Or maybe he does, which would be even funnier. Plus 3.
Deena is gettin’ some Lean Cuisine. NOTE: Not the frozen dinner. Minus 2.
When the twins call after Sitch goes to sleep, Pauly and Ronnie tell them to come over in the a.m., then play it off like they’re stalking Sitch. Minus 5, because that’s just mean – he’s never seen a sober girl in the daytime.
No romance on Jersey Shore can ever compare to this bromance. Plus 12.
Sam and Ron decide to get back together! They’ve changed!!! Oye. Minus 12.
Mike, upon the twins’ return to the club the next night: “We have reached a new level of stalker. But the Situation adapts to all different situations.” Read: I’m weirded out, but word, I could still be convinced to tap that. Plus 7.
“I wouldn’t say I’m a lesbian, but I guess bi-curious. I don’t think I’d ever date a girl because I love penis, but … I have fun.” – Deena. To avoid falling victim to a double standard, Plus 7 for being so out in the open and unabashed.
One of the twins climbs in bed with Sitch … and then Vinny … and then Deena! Three Jersey Shore stars, one night! Her parents must be so proud! Plus 14.
Ronnie and Sammi do seem happy … for now. We’re not optimistic, but Plus 5.
Not quite as happy? Sitch, when he finds out Ronnie just told the other girls about him confessing that he Snooki hooked up. Minus 4 for Ron breaking his trust, but Plus 8 because Mike should know better than to confide in him.
For his part, Ronnie doesn’t seem broken up after snitching on a known snitch who’s meddled with Ronnie’s love life more than once in the past. Plus 6.
“You’re a f*cking a**hole!” – Snooki. “Everybody knows the Situation isn’t a liar.” – Mike. Minus 7 for the lie and the third-person reference combined.
Snooki claims there was no hookup, that Mike merely made advances that she rebuffed. Minus 9, because we’re not buying it. One, wasted Snooki can’t be counted on to exert self-control. Two, why would Mike lie that he slept with his close friend? He’s a sleaze, but too loyal to make up a sleazy lie for no reason.
JWoww says Nicole loves Jionni and they should all move on. Snooki laments that Mike is a douchebag. Both true, but the fallout is still to come. Plus 4.
Single Ronnie had a good run, but one can only be the pimp daddy mac for so long. Now he’s regular Ticking Time Bomb Relationship Ronnie. Wash.
The Situation gets angry with Ronnie for breaking his trust. Then ends up back in the sack with a topless blonde. All in a day’s work for Mike. Plus 5.
It looks like in the previews for next week, there is a Pauly-Deena fight over c*ck-blocking. Plus 6, because Deena really is one of the guys, isn’t she?
EPISODE TOTAL: +43. SEASON TOTAL: +80.
What do you think? Did Mike and Snooki hit it?