Single Ronnie made a return to Jersey Shore last night, while Pauly and Deena channeled Season 3 Snooki and Vinny with their potential, awkward “romance.”
As for Season 4 Snooki, she was having issues with Jionni, and guess who was there to help her through them? This Situation? Not a good situation.
The second episode of the season offered plenty of amusing Jersey Shore quotes, as always, but the major drama of the summer is still to come.
Let’s break down the second episode of the summer, THG +/- style!
Minus 5 for the immediate continuation of the “romantic” scene with Pauly and Deena that was in our heads for days after the Season 4 premiere.
Ronnie is on the phone with a girl. Not named Sam. Or his mom! Her name’s Hannah, and she’s been “helping him get through some stuff.” Stuff, he says … It has a name, you know. A nickname, even: S-W-E-E-T-H-E-A-R-T. Plus 7.
Deena takes a spill as they return home. So predictable. Minus 4.
Pauly totes pretends to be passed out so he doesn’t have to hit it or be forced to express overtly that he doesn’t wish to hit it. Classic move. Plus 8.
Jionni and Snooki fight over the phone after she doesn’t call home for like six hours. Swooping in to console her? Mike and his HOT green pants! Minus 6.
Minus 2 more for Sitch’s creepy knee stroking action.
It wouldn’t be Jersey Shore without some homoerotic male bonding, hot tub style. Plus 7, because the Vinny-Pauly bromance now includes Ronnie too.
Vinny also takes in a nice view from his bed. Plus 3.
Proving that she doesn’t suck at every life skill, Snooki actually wasn’t terrible when it came to pizza making at the gang’s “workplace”! Plus 8.
JWoww’s coffee, however? Minus 4. Still a net plus!
Dancing on bars and downing drinks, Single Ronnie – a.k.a. the Pimp Daddy Mac – is a sight to behold, especially when he does his trademark moves. Plus 10.
Deena tries to break up the inevitable spat between Sammi and Ronnie. You knew it was only a matter of time once the Daddy Mac came out. Minus 6.
Ron brags that he slept with four girls in three nights. Minus 11, because that’s gross, we don’t believe it, and he had toilet paper stuck to his face earlier.
Essentially a caricature of himself at this point – one simultaneously painful and hysterical to watch – Mike wines and dines a girl as only he can. Plus 9.
Snooki asks if she’s prettier than The Situation’s latest hook-up. Rule #1, Snook: Don’t ask questions you don’t really want to know the answers to. Minus 5.
If it’s any consolation for Snook, Mike got it in and out of Britney from Florida before you can say … something Italian. We’re saying it’s already over. Plus 8.
Minus 10 for us just saying “got it in” though. We just made ourselves cringe.
“Toodles, whore.” – Snooki. Minus 2 for double standards and use of toodles.
Plus 4, one for each of Deena’s tumbles this week, by our count. What a mess.
Has JWoww lost serious weight or is it just us? Minus 3, ’cause it looks like it.
The Situation tells Snooki that he has feelings for her. Specifically, “you’re not just someone I can take home.” Literally true. They live together as is! Plus 16.
“I care for you more than a friend… I’ve grown to love your personality” – Sitch. (!!!) Is he for real with this? Did it just get a little dusty in here? Wash.
Sammi tells Ronnie she’s still in love with him. Here we go again. Minus 9.
“F**k me with a spiked bat.” – Ron. Okay then. No thanks man. Minus 3.
EPISODE TOTAL: +15. SEASON TOTAL: +37.