The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Packing Heat in the Catskills

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey took the show on the road and headed to the Catskills. Although I thought I was prepared for anything, I didn't expect this.

Let's recap the highlights and lowlights in this week's +/- review!

We start with the Teresa / Melissa summit talks at Jacqueline's. I don't think these two will ever stop jabbing at one another. It is a constant game of one-upsmanship and I give them a Minus 10 for holding on to such petty crap for so long.

At the same time, I'll give Melissa a Plus 5 for bringing the pictures to remind them of better times. That's a nice gesture.

The two keep saying they're willing to start over but they can't seem to really get there. Jacqueline finally tells Teresa "Quit when you're ahead." Good advice. I doubt she'll take it.

I love that Caroline's husband decides to skip the Catskills trip. Plus 8 for being a smart man.

Did you see Chris' gun safe? How many of those did he bring. My favorite line of the night goes to Jacqueline as she watches him. "I have a look of concern on my face although you can't tell with my botox." She earns a Plus 5 for being honest and funny at the same time.

But before we get to the Catskills, let's check in with the crew that isn't going.

Kathy wants to start her own dessert catering business. I'll give her a Plus 6 for a good idea. She loves to make desserts for big parties and running her own small business will keep her busy and she'll have fun.

But husband Rich quickly turns this into a Minus 10. The idea is just too small for him. He wants to invest in a restaurant and have Kathy run it. 

Can't Bear to Watch

I'm giving Kathy Plus 5 back for pointing out that we have an Italian restaurant about every ten feet here in Jersey. Do we really need another? Not to mention the restaurant business isn't easy. I think the catering idea is much more Kathy's speed.

The Gorga's daughter Antonia is in a dance show. Being that she is the only child asked to perform in an adult dance show tells me she probably got the honor because cameras follow her. But maybe I'm just a cynic.

Now back to the Catskills. It's a small house built by Joe Guidice's father. I have no idea where they fit everyone and I'm still recovering from the bedrooms we did see, but more on that in a moment.

Mostly they did a lot of shooting and rode quads. Oh, and drank a lot. Nothing like a lot of drunken fools with guns. Not the safest combination. Minus 3.

Dinner is when things get really interesting as the conversation turns to a comparison of the bj skills of Teresa and Jacqueline. In case you missed it, this discussion took place in front of many people, including Teresa's father-in-law.

I have to ask, how are Chris and Joe comparing, exactly. Oh God, nevermind. I don't want to know. Minus 5 for putting pictures in my head I didn't want there.

But wait, it gets worse. Teresa shows off the vibrating C-ring her husband wears. Seriously, do we have to see this? Picturing any of these men without clothes ... Minus 15. Can someone tell me how to burn that thought from my brain. 

Joe Flops on Teresa

I'm just thankful that scene didn't take place with Joe Gorga. And is it possible for that man to keep his hands off his wife's ass?

I'm with Caroline. Stay sober so you can escape at any time. Plus 5 for being the only one of the group with some brains but Minus at least 2 for being there at all.

And I couldn't help but laugh with Caroline when they visited the chapel. Yes, let's get drunk and shoot things but then we'll go give thanks that we didn't injure ourselves.

How about Chris asking Joe how the Guidices were handling Christmas this year. Joe's answer, "What budget do you have when Christmas comes around." Hmm. That's the answer that gets you to bankruptcy court, or worse. Minus 5 for such stupidity.

The gangs' trip to the B&B lounge gets entertaining. "There were some freaks there." Yeah, once you guys arrived, there certainly were. In the words of Caroline, "I just want to go home." And I'm thankful the episode is over. 


There will be more next week as our favorite New Jersey Housewives prepare for the holidays. Let's hope they lock the guns back in the safe.

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