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Ronnie Ortiz-Magro has it all figured out.

The Jersey Shore star was caught cheating multiple times on girlfriend Sammi Giancola during Season 2 in Miami, but he knows that as long as he apologizes and says how atrocious his behavior was, her pathetic ass will take him back.

Done and done.


SELF RESPECT: “Sweetheart” Sammi Giancola has none.

“When I saw myself with those girls [it] was, ‘Wow, you’re the man right now at the club. You look f*%king awesome,'” he says of his wild Jersey Shore days.

But, then he adds: “And then when I go home to Sam, I’m like, ‘Wow, I’m embarrassed. I’m ashamed of myself. I’m embarrassed about what I did to her.'”

Sure you are, man. Just stick to the script.

He acknowledges it was wrong to keep his indiscretions secret – Snooki and J-Woww broke the news to Sam in a note – but Ron says he’s not a bad boyfriend.

I’m not that guy. I don’t know what I was thinking about … I watch it and I’m just like, ‘You’re an idiot. You are an idiot. Like, what are you thinking about?”

Ron … you are very much that guy. We respect your dedication to the lie, and your ability to play Sam and creep whenever you like. But you don’t fool us.

Shockingly, despite proclaiming “I AM DONE” approximately 479 times, Sammi says she’s still with Ronnie and willing to overlook the mistakes he’s made.

“I think he is actually really trying to show me the good instead of the bad,” she told MTV in a separate interview. “That’s what I hold on to all the time.”

Don’t hold your breath, Sam.