Whether it was the producers’ idea, him writing himself into his own screenplay or prompted by genuine emotions, Frank Neuschaefer’s move last night was ballsy.
Dumping Ali Fedotowsky for his ex-girlfriend this late in the game? That stings. Far worse than the antics of Justin “Rated R” Rego, who was far more transparent.
Frank was awkward. He was sad. He confused the hell out of us. And he broke Ali’s heart. Love it or hate it, this was the watershed moment of the season so far.
Oh yeah, and two guys were also there vying for her heart (and no one else’s). THG breaks down Monday’s penultimate episode of The Bachelorette below …
Frank hasn’t been frank with Ali all along.
It’s really odd how much ABC gives away in previews, not just before the episode airs, but for what’s “COMING UP” during the episode. Not everyone reads The Bachelorette spoilers, ABC. We certainly do, but not everyone. Minus 5.
Let’s delve right into Frank. He’s been obsessed with Ali all season, yet loved this Nicole Caruso girl so much that he chose her after one cheesy heart-to-heart, then flew all the way to Tahiti to break the news? This makes no sense, Minus 14.
Nicole says had no idea one person could complete another. Has she never seen Jerry Maguire? Eh, she looks like she’s about 19, so maybe not. Anyway, Minus 3.
Ali is way cuter and seems a lot cooler than Nicole. Just saying. Plus 5.
Not sure if they just need to kill time and stretch this filler into a two-hour show, but the gratuitous Ali bikini shots are off the hook this week. We’ll take it. Plus 7.
The majesty of Tahitian scenery soon gives way to despair, seeing as we do not make enough money from these Bachelorette reviews to ever go there. Minus 8.
Ooh, a helicopter ride! That’s a new one, Bachelorette! Minus 4.
Ali wears sexy lingerie to dinner with Roberto Martinez. Someone is a little boy crazy … not that we blame her. Despite sweating profusely, he’s a hunk! Plus 9.
Why do they always say the fantasy suite card is from Chris Harrison? Just so we’ll laugh and point it out here, while praising the venerable host-pimp? Plus 8.
Will Ali Fedotowsky choose Chris Lambton or Roberto Martinez?
Roberto has to be the frontrunner heading into the August 2 finale, given his obvious chemistry with Ali. Much of their date could be Cinemax material. Plus 5.
Wait, Chris’ mom died? Did we miss that? Minus 6.
Chris’ date with Ali involves cruising around on a giant boat, playing in the water and finding pearls in oysters. Cute, but too many obvious jokes missed. Wash.
At dinner on a private island, he sweetly confesses that he can see himself with Ali. Roberto is her infatuation, but Chris might be an even better pick. Plus 12.
Chris says that his mom is looking down smiling right now. Minus 5 for the overkill, and Minus 14 more for the image of his late mom looking down smiling at her first born about to put it to a hot girl also dating someone else on a reality show.
After arriving in Tahiti for reasons known, Frank reflects: “I’m confident in the decision I made, but to hurt Ali and potentially break her heart is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do … so I wanna talk to Chris Harrison.” Plus 56.
Eventually, he “confesses” to Ali and she seems genuinely miserable. Minus 19, ’cause it’s very possible Frank and Nicole “broke up” so he could go on the show, knowing full well he could play this card for dramatic effect. He’s a writer, after all.
Minus 2 for the annoying way he says “Nicole,” and Minus 6 for Ali saying she “gave up everything” to be here for approximately the 458th time this season.
They have the rose ceremony anyway, an unnecessary but nice reminder for Ali that the two remaining guys are light years better than Frank anyway. Plus 7.
TOTAL: +23. SEASON: +166.
Who should Ali Fedotowsky choose?