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Below, The Hollywood Gossip staff takes a quick look back at what was quite possibly the greatest week in the history of celebrity news and gossip.

Okay, not really, but there were some good stories …

  • Kris Allen won American Idol. More incredibly, Adam Lambert did not win American Idol. On a side Idol note, an odd bikini battle took place.
  • Shawn Johnson won Dancing With the Stars. More incredibly, Melissa Rycroft did not win Dancing With the Stars. Oh well, she’s still hot.
  • Speaking of Melissa, her former Bachelor competition, and perhaps Canada’s best export yet, Jillian Harris, debuted as The Bachelorette.
  • In political news, Rielle Hunter wants to stick it to John Edwards, while Bristol Palin says she never wanted to stick it to Levi Johnston.
  • Michael Vick was released from the pound. Kiefer Sutherland is likely not heading back there. Still no word on whether Chris Brown is.
  • Jon and Kate Plus 8 may change its name to Jon and Kate Plus Fake Marriage Contracts, Various Mistresses and Non-Stop Drama.
  • Among the Cannes Film Festival highlights (besides movies, of course): Hayden Panettiere displays her bikini body and misspelled tattoo; Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt nearly exchange bodily fluids in public.
  • The Hills‘ Spencer Pratt deemed himself the future of hip-hop, as well as too famous to stoop to reality TV rival Jason Wahler’s level.
  • In young, hot couple news, Robert Pattinson and Erika Dutra are rumored to be an item, while the romantic relationship of Selena Gomez and Taylor Lautner is sort of confirmed. Ditto for Audrina Patridge and Chris Pine.
  • Carrie Prejean’s mom might be gay.