The Bachelor Babe Dishes on Dead Doves, Hometown Dates

by at . Comments

Because our standard weekly recaps are clearly not enough to quench your thirst for The Bachelor gossip, commentary and insight, The Hollywood Gossip's own Bachelor Babe will be sharing her thoughts on each exciting episode with us, as well.

Here's her take on Jason Mesnick and his exciting/interesting/overwhelmingly weird hometown visits with the remaining contestants...

Very excited to turn on the TV tonight and see what I can only assume is our next bachelor: Barack Obama! Actually, quite disappointed - I wanted to see Jason and my girls like I do every Monday night!

Obama already found a smart, sassy darling and has some adorable children to show for it – give Jason his chance in the spotlight, Prez!

Recap, recap, and then they spend twenty minutes telling us what will happen in the next two hours (Producers, can’t you film more real stuff?) 

Meanwhile, I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THE PART ABOUT THE DEAD DOVE!!!! How hilarious is that?? I feel like it’s something that should be in a Ben Stiller movie… I can’t wait ICantWaiticantwait!! But alas, more recap….

Finally, it’s 9:12 and the episode is actually starting. That felt longer than 12 minutes. But wait, commercial first.

Jason Mesnick: The Bachelor Star

It took ABC the length of a sitcom to show it, but Jason finally made it to meet Jillian in Canada on this week's installment of The Bachelor.

Ok, 9:15 and we’re back and Jason is off to Canada, with Jillian! Jillian takes Jason to a lake in Alberta where she tells him a story about how she touched feet with a monster in the lake named Ogopogo. In the past Ty was the only person in Jason’s life that believed in monsters…way to make Jason feel like he’s gonna have another kid to take care of Jill. That’s the key to a man’s heart.

I asked both of my roommates to make monster noises, and Nicole did a pretty good job. She took note of the fact that the monster lived underwater, so that helped.

Jillian and Jason then go to Jillian’s house where her family gives Jason a Canadian flag to wear as a cape! Later at dinner, Jillian’s mom gives a toast that the producers obviously told her to write. It rhymed, and also brought up how Jillian is as precious as a dove, reminding me again of the date at Naomi’s coming up with the dead dove funeral – I can’t wait!!!

And onto Great Grand Rapids with Molly Malaney. Oh, Maryanne – you definitely do a good job of embarrassing Molly: “You’re going to draw her a picture of her face.” Hahahahahah. Wow.

Ty might be a better artist then Jason.

PRODUCERS, WHERE WAS THE MALANEY BEER PONG GAME??!?!?! You make us watch 15 minutes of recap and foreshadowing (see above) but cut out the American pastime of beer and tossing ping pong balls into red Dixie cups??  Lame lame lame.

Molly Malaney is already a fan favorite. Perhaps ABC feared that showing her and her family playing beer pong would tilt the odds too far in her favor.

Jason visits Naomi next, and I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it, but I’ve been waiting for this moment since I saw the previews of the dead dove funeral last week. Most people complain about crazy mother-in-laws, but all of America knows Jason could actually have one if Naomi plays her cards right.

First Naomi’s mom wants to see how Jason can move his hips, if you know what I’m saying, so she pulled out about 30 hula hoops. Jason failed miserably, but it doesn’t matter cause all I can think is “Dove part coming up, dove part coming up…”

And it’s as great as I anticipated!!! Jason is super duper hugely tremendously weirded out, and all I could keep thinking about was The Office episode where Michael holds a bird funeral and Dwight plays “For the Longest Time” on his recorder. Fantastic.

Afterward, Jason sits down with Naomi’s father Hector where Hector makes some pretty serious statements about how Jason needs to be willing to “lay down his life” for his wife and how everything must be done through “the truth and the light” of Christ. Isn’t divorce against Christianity, Hector? And aren’t you divorced?  Just saying. I’m not even gonna touch the killing yourself for someone...

Jason doesn’t have much better luck in his one-on-one convo with Naomi’s mom, who believes in reincarnation and thinks she has met with many of her dead family members, who have come back in another life.  Oh Jason, your face is classic.

And onto Jason’s final date – in TX with Melissa. They are VERY happy to see each other- there’s definitely a lot of chemistry between our girl Mel and J. Wow Melissa, you made Ty a present – how sweet and cute is that? And Melissa definitely wins mommy points by bringing her friend’s kids (in matching outfits, no less) to meet Jason.

She is either the best player ever, or she’s the perfect girl for Jason.

Onto the rose ceremony: the Sleepless in Seattle theme is rekindled, and before the last commercial we see Jason standing on his houseboat pondering his thoughts while looking over the water… I just want to point out again that there’s no way that houseboat is really Jason’s.

I don’t think anyone was surprised that Naomi gets the boot, leaving Molly, Jillian and Melissa to head to New Zealand.

And I thought the episode was over, but was SO GLAD I DIDN’T SKIP THE PREVIEWS FOR NEXT WEEK! No, not because DeAnna is coming back, that wench. Because they did a couple outtakes in which Jillian’s funny, quirky grandmother brought Jason Canadian Maple Leaf decorated boxers and Jason put them over his pants – then the entire family sang “O Canada” while he stood in the middle of the living room.

Great stuff, eh?


The Bachelor Quotes

There’s still a lot of growing to do in our relationship. We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt.

Shayne Lamas

It was a fairytale proposal like I’ve always dreamed about. I forgot that there [were] cameras around. In that moment, it was just Matt and I and it was the most amazing moment of my entire life.

Shayne Lamas [on proposal by Matt Grant]