We're not picking on her. We're just quoting the newest cover of one of the top celebrity news and gossip publications in the entire world, Us Weekly.
While it's unclear if food is waterboarding her or just subjecting her to insults and other verbal abuse, what's undeniable is that the celeb gossip world has been captivated by the Jessica Simpson weight gain we've seen in recent weeks.
Even Barack Obama has weighed in after relinquishing his vice grip on the Us Weekly cover spot to Jessica this week. Check out said cover below:
Was she driven to consume massive quantities of food by Tony Romo banging some girl in her bed while she was out of town? Can she just not resist the allure of cupcakes? What does her alleged "rage" over fat insults entail exactly?
We'll have to pick up the celeb news magazine to get those deets. But rest assured, this is hardly the first scandal to land Jess an absurd, overdramatic Us cover.
Click to enlarge these many past Jessica Simpson classics - including one with the same bikini photo this week's uses to illustrate her dramatic ballooning: