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Star Magazine, also known as the beacon of celebrity news integrity, has a great story this morning – that Ashley Olsen is contemplating getting some larger breasts and trying to persuade twin sister Mary-Kate to get them as well.

“Ashley is considering getting her boobs done – she wants to be more voluptuous,” reports a supposed insider. “And she told Mary-Kate that she wanted her to get one at the same time so that it wouldn’t be glaringly obvious.”

The article continues: “That way, they could say that they had just both matured and were filling out naturally.” Mmm hmm. Just like Audrina Patridge.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen: 2016 Costume Institute Gala
(Dimitrios Kambouris)

Mary-Kate Olsen, according to the report, is not a fan – she is “horrified” by the idea and “hates being told what to do and how to look by Ashley.”

NOTE TO THE OLSEN TWINS: If looking “voluptuous” is really the goal, you might start with a little nourishment. Seriously. Try the bacon cheeseburger the next time you’re out. Not only will it “fill you out,” but it will piss off PETA.