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We know Sam Lutfi is frickin’ creepy.

We’ve been covering that fact like it’s our job.

Which it is. We are in the celebrity news business.

We have a point, we swear. Osama isn’t the only twisted fool making gossip headlines this week – Star Magazine has profiled the messed up Olsen Twins!

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen: 2016 Costume Institute Gala
(Dimitrios Kambouris)

Apparently, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are seriously weird! Who would have guessed? Oh, right. Everybody. For the last four or five years.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen: Some twisted trolls.

Anyway, the new issue of Star digs deep into the weird ass world of the rich twins. One of their bodyguards evidently spoke out on the sisters and dished some pretty good gossip. Hookups! Bad breath! Dirty hair! Sibling rivalry! OMFG!

Hopefully it examines Mary-Kate Olsen‘s connection to Heath Ledger, and includes juicy accounts of Ashley and Lance Armstrong tanging it a few months ago.