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Hey, Nicole Richie, don’t be afraid of jail.

All you need to do is whine as much as your reality show cohort Paris Hilton and you’ll be set free. It’s as simple as 1-2-woe-is-me.

In a pathetic display of giving in to the rich and spoiled, the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department has released Paris from jail after a whole three days behind bars. Spokesperson Steve Whitmore claimed Hilton was released due to medical reasons he cannot disclose.

Carter Reum, Wife
Photo via Getty Images

Funny. We didn’t know “money” was deemed a “medical reason.” We also didn’t know Victoria Beckham could be named Woman of the Year. Guess nothing should come as a surprise at this point.

Hilton has been fitted for an ankle bracelet and placed under house arrest in her West Hollywood home for 40 days. After this time is up, Whitmore says she will have “fulfilled her debt to society.” 

The Hollywood Gossip doesn’t think this is possible until she drowns in a pool of raw sewage, however. Either that, or she’s forced to stand in front of an onslaught of Blake Fielder-Civil snot rockets for the duration of her house arrest.

The justice system should be more ashamed of itself than Alex Rodriguez should be for cheating on his wife.