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Wow. Another Wednesday night and another all-new episode of Laguna Beach in the books. It’s hard to even know where to begin with this new cast, but if the first two episodes of Season Three are any indication, this crew is all about partying, forming cliques and creating hectic drama. Kind of like the previous cast, come to think of it.

In any case, last night’s episode began with the girl who wouldn’t move on, Jessica Smith, talking to her mother about pseudo-boyfriend Cameron (right). Jessica’s concerned mother tells her daughter not to worry about dating a high school junior, since he’s old for a junior and she graduated a year early.

Phew. Jessica’s mom then told her daughter to not get too attached, and to take control of the situation to make the boys pine for her — just like last season’s star, Kristin Cavallari, would. Really. This actually happened. The girl’s mom told her that. It’s why we simultaneously abhor and adore the glory that is Laguna Beach.

While he’s supposedly dating Jessica, Cameron really has his eye on this season’s bombshell/bitch, Kyndra. On their date — which Kyndra tells her mother (who qualifies for MILF status despite of obvious plastic surgery) is not a real date — Cameron denies that he’s “with” Jessica. They just “hooked up” that once, the jock says. Who talks like that? Aren’t these people supposedly in high school?

For what it’s worth, Cameron is clearly a chick magnet, no matter how much he looks like he might “steak out,” or start breaking $h!t in true meathead style, at any second. It’s a pretty safe bet that this Jessica-Kyndra-Cameron love triangle will result in some serious fights down the road.

Meanwhile, Raquel (a.k.a. “Rocky,” left) and Chase conspire to plan a surprise party for his girlfriend and her BFF, Tessa.

It works rather well in the end, as the majority of Southern California apparently knows these kids and decided to show up for the shindig. Tessa was stunned and thrilled upon her arrival, and the birthday party turned out to be a kick ass time, quite similar to parties T.H. Gossip went to in high school.

Or not. In other Laguna news, Breanna Conrad was nowhere to be found, and Chase’s band — it’s his life, man — sounds a bit better than it did a week ago. Then again, the bar was set pretty low in that department. Kyndra‘s friend Cami, meanwhile, is still really annoying. But what are you gonna do?

Watch next week, that’s what.