Federline to Humiliate Self, Family, Human Race By Performing Live at Teen Choice Awards Next Month

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All the world will be watching the 2006 Teen Choice Awards. As they should. The two-hour event, scheduled for August 20 on FOX, is always met with some great anticipation. But this year could be the most interesting (and awful) one ever, due to a live performance by Kevin Federline.

Yes, Kevin Federline. 

Jessica Simpson Is 4 Years Sober




Federline will close the award show with a performance of his single "Lose Control," which is set to be released in August. Anyone who pays money for that crap might as well just hurl yourself off a cliff now, because you will probably die alone someday anyway. But that's beside the point. The point is that Federline, the backup dancer turned deadbeat spouse, is making the rounds promoting his new album, Playing with Fire.

We aren't sure whether wife Britney Spears will be on hand to witness this embarrassment performance, but we will keep you posted. You know who will definitely be on hand, though? Jessica Simpson and Dane Cook. They will be co-hosting the event! That could be very interesting, as rumors continue to swirl around the couple.

It could also be interesting if Jessica fellates an ice cream cone on camera, like she does in her new video for "A Public Affair." Here's hoping for that.

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Jessica Simpson Biography

Jessica Simpson: Dessert Beauty Launch Party
Sweet mother of G-d, Jessica Simpson has got some huge breasts. Holy frickin' $h!t. Look at those things! She also possesses a singing... More »
Abilene, Texas
Full Name
Jessica Ann Simpson

Jessica Simpson Quotes

They're just the cutest couple in the world. They are adorable. Anybody would wish to be them and you can only wish them well. Just being around them inspires love and everything I sing about.

Jessica Simpson [on her sister and Pete Wentz]

It’s fun to do a small film that might be released to DVD not because it’s a horrible film, but because it’s an independent film. For people to say Employee of the Month was a flop is ludicrous. We made the money back–that’s not a flop. For people to say The Dukes of Hazzard was a flop–it opened to $30 million! If these movies are flops, why would I still make them?

Jessica Simpson