The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: The Evil Trio Come To Tea

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Only The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills could turn a civilized tea party into the "Game of Scones" but then again, it's not like they were drinking tea.

We break down the lies, cries, and alcohol infused innuendo on THG's +/- recap!

Guilt or Botox?

Before we get to the tea party, let's talk closets. It's the battle of the walk in closets and Kyle was the big loser. Minus 12.

Her clothes were overflowing and she had a cheap clothes rack she wheeled into the hallway. I expected more from a Beverly HIlls Housewife.

On the other hand, Lisa was the big winner.  Her new home was absolutely gorgeous and her closet was about the size of my first apartment.  Quite possibly larger. Plus 20.

Not evening sure how to rate the adjoining showers where the magic happens for her and Ken. I don't think I really want to picture that, even with Ken's new hip.

Lisa and Kyle had a summit meeting to rehash their issues once again.  The fact is that Kyle will sic her friends on Brandi like a pitbull but won't utter a word to defend Lisa. Minus 15.

Kyle's not really your friend Lisa and you are the stronger person so just move on. If for no other reason than I'm seriously bored with this conversation.

I did love that Yolanda liked Brandi despite her foul mouth. Brandi says what she thinks, even if it's not pretty. Plus 25. At least you always know what Brandi Glanville really thinks.  You can't say that about many of these women.

And how bad did we all feel for Yolanda's daughter?  She only had one horse to ride when her friends had at least three.  Minus 10.  Who didn't feel her pain?

It's finally tea time and although there wasn't much actual tea, Lisa made sure there was plenty of eye candy with her hunky bartenders from Sur. Plus 13.

I couldn't believe that Kyle invited Fae. Seriously!?!  I suppose she and Adrienne had to make the mean girl trio complete or their witchy powers might not work.

If you ever needed to know how twisted Adrienne's reality was, you just needed to hear her call Fae a "lovely person."  Only if you're living in bizarro world. Lovely was one of the last words that popped to mind when describing Fae.

What was truly shocking was that Fae barely said a word. Plus 22. Honestly I think it was because she knew Lisa wouldn't put up with her crap and would have kicked her little butt out the door had she gotten out of line.

A year ago who would have suspected that Taylor would be the one stirring up trouble. Looks like she found some backbone…or perhaps just some alcohol.  

And when did Camille turn into such a b*tch?  She seemed fairly normal last season.  Now she's causing drama and hating on Lisa and Brandi. Minus 12. Were she and Adrienne really that close?

I kept hoping Brandi would ask Lisa if she had a fax machine or computer. I would have loved it if she had excused herself, gone inside and had her attorney send a copy of that letter and printed her e-mail so she could pass them around the table. Minus 8 because it didn't happen.

I could be wrong but Adrienne Maloof looked like someone who was lying through her teeth. Or perhaps that's just all the botox.

A couple of quick side notes…

  • Taylor brought a vibrator as a hostess gift for tea.
  • Brandi thought butt beads would have been more appropriate.
  • Camille was just giving Pandora a wedding gift. How many months ago did she get married?
  • Marisa wanted to have sex with other men. Her husband must have loved hearing that on national television.

Lastly, we got to add to the list of Kim Richards excuses for not attending parties.  This time her puppy hit her new nose.  

If anyone has actually kept a real list please let me know.  She's nothing if not creative. I just hope she wasn't as intoxicated as she sounded.

EPISODE TOTAL: +23! SEASON TOTAL: -281!
 

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Kim's Excuses For Not Showing Up: I missed Lisa's tea party b/c Kingsley hit my nose.
I missed the plane b/c I forgot my driver's license.
I almost missed the jet to the King's game b/c there was a power outage on my block.
I missed the catamaran b/c I didn't get a wake up call.
I huffed room deodorizer b/c I thought it was Binaca.
I called Brandi a slut pig and hid her crutches preemptively b/c she accused me of using.
I went to the bathroom every couple of minutes on game night b/c of my makeup.
I missed Kyle's event(s) because I needed to spend more time with my nearly adult children.
I missed other events because I was moving.
I holed up in the bathroom at SUR because I thought I was pregnant. I repeatedly no-showed on Yolanda because I have to eat.
I skipped Kyle's seance party because it's against my unspecified religion.

Barton-fink

Sadly, as I watched Faye and Adrienne and Kyle arrive, I realized that I was not buying the innocent twee Lisa and Brandi-who-only-speaks-up-because-she-is-a-mother story. And Taylor is just a psycho, and Marissa is hideous, and that old Dutch prostitute? What's up with that?