Tale of the NFL Playoff Tape: Baltimore Ravens vs. New England Patriots

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We're down to the final four in the NFL.

On Sunday, the Baltimore Ravens do battle with the New England Patriots, while the New York Giants head to San Francisco to face the 49ers. Which teams will be featured in a Super Bowl that also includes a mostly naked David Beckham?

We break down the key categories of the first match up below...

Ravens vs. Pats

CONNECTION TO GOD:
Ravens: Middle linebacker Ray Lewis is an ordained minster.
Patriots: Blew away Tim Tebow and the Broncos last week, 45-10.
Edge: Patriots

UNIVERSITY STARTING QUARTERBACK ATTENDED:
Ravens: Delaware
Patriots: Michigan
Edge: Ravens

RECORDS BROKEN BY STARTING QUARTERBACKS:
Ravens: Worst facial hair
Patriots: Most touchdown passes in a single season
Edge: Patriots

MASCOT REPRESENTS:
Ravens: The most widely distributed of all corvids
Patriots: A patriotic freedom fighter
Edge: Patriots

TYPICAL FAN:
Ravens: Unclear
Patriots: Drunk Masshole
Edge: Ravens

THE VERDICT: The Patriots pull it out, three categories to two. Blame Joe Flacco's Fu Manchu, as well as his poor passing ability, for the inevitable loss by the Ravens.

WHO DO YOU THINK WILL WIN?

 

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