Kourtney & Kim Take New York Rekap: Kris Humphries Wants Kids! Like Right Away!

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Sunday on Kourtney & Kim Take New York, newlyweds Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries continued to butt heads, while butt head Scott Disick's risque computer search history ruffled some feathers with baby mama Kourtney.

Scripted, contrived nonsense alert!

What did Kris say to Kim that really hit klose to home? Why did Kourt decide she needs to spice things up? THG breaks down Sunday evening's drama, +/- style:

Kim K. Image

Kim kicks off the third episode of the season pretending to contemplate family. "Maybe it's time to get off the pill and see what happens naturally," she says, seemingly without irony, seeing as there is nothing original about this girl. Minus 9.

Kourtney thinks it'd be Mason to have a playmate. Of course, she knows Kim will never really oblige so she went and got pregnant again herself. Proactive. Plus 17.

Kris: "We can have our own cuter version of Mason." Unlikely. He's a doll! Plus 6.

Momager Kris Jenner of all people makes the valid point that they shouldn't even think about this because don't even know where they're going to live. Plus 8.

Speaking of which: Kris really wants to settle in Minnesota, to which Kim replies, "How am I going to have my career and live in Minnesota?" Minus 25 for Kim being so shallow ... and Kris actually thinking this might happen in his lifetime.

Humphries' rationale on that front: "By the time you have kids and they're in school, no one will probably care about you, let's be honest." LOLOLOL. Plus 270.

Kris also made this point in the season premiere. Does he not realize that with Kim, this is like telling a girl she's fat or old? Either way, Plus 20 for going there.

Undeterred, Kris wants to have kids like right this minute. The bathtub did feature Kim Kardashian nude at this time, which likely had something to do with this reproductive urges ... and his decision to marry her in the first place. Still, bad call. Minus 2.

Kim doesn't want kids right away, after all. Shocker! Minus 60.

Kourtney and Kim Pic

She doesn't want to tell Kris, either, because it will hurt his ego. Telling E! cameras, then filing for divorce after two months? That's all good, though! Minus 300.

On the other side of the apartment the network forces them to live in together even though they're all rich, Kourt "finds" porn on Scott's computer. Minus 28.

"It's a very high-in-demand porn site," Scott says of the unnamed URL that features two guys tagging one girl at the time. "Everyone watches porn!" Plus only 10, because while sort of true, not everyone lets E! film it and/or gets caught.

Minus 6 for not watching the Kim-Ray J sex tape. That would've been choice.

"Maybe things have cooled down," Kourt admits. Eh, it is Scott Disick. Hard to imagine anyone could be hot for that douche for long. Time to break up! Plus 7.

Oops. Forgot about Mason. Too late now! Minus 15.

Scott and Kris totally bond over how the hell they got sucked into this insane family and unending reality show. Disick is obviously better able to cope. Plus 3.

Kourtney decides to let loose and fun, which entails pretending to flirt with a random girl in an attempt to spice things up, which annoys Scott, who clearly had other things in mind when he suggested a threesome, and viewers, who have to watch made-up nonsense for half the episode when all we really want to see is Kim and Kris implode. Minus 80.

EPISODE TOTAL: -196 . SEASON TOTAL: -406.

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