Kourtney & Kim Take New York Season Premiere Rekap: You're My Wife Now!

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The second, scripted season of Kourtney & Kim Take New York kicked off last night, and was impossible to take at face value, given the drama of the past few months.

Because of the overexposure of Kourtney and Kim Kardashian, and the demise of her marriage to Kris Humphries, every scene of this nonsense takes on new meaning.

That said, let's break down the season premiere, THG plus-minus style, as we run down the many signs that Kim's fake marriage was headed for a 72-day flame out:

Kim and Kourt Take New York

Hilariously, the show kicks off with celebrity gossip magazine covers and TV reports discussing the end of their union, weeks before Kim actually left him. Plus 19.

"You're my wife now. It's going to take a lot to get rid of me." - Kris. LOL. Dude, these are shameless, overly made-up phonies do whatever the hell they want and it's all for ratings. You really think you matter to them? Could you not see this coming? Did you not Google your wife or read ANY celebrity news site? Minus 50.

Kim and Kris call each other "husband" and "wifey." AWWWW! Plus 5.

Living together? Not so cute. They had never done so before, and it shows, as Kim like things neater than Kris, who could really give a f--k. "When I see a messy room, it literally ruins my day," Kim says. Literally. Minus 28.

"I can't live with Kris," she says to her sister. "He's such a slob." Good thing she found out they were incompatible before they got married! Oh wait. Minus 31.

The producers set Kris up for a nervous breakdown, and while we feel bad for the guy, it's a lot of fun to watch at times. Like when he arrives home to find Kourtney doing nude yoga with a naked dude and a few other girls. Plus 30.

Kourt tries to fake apologize for the scripted setup. Why bother? Minus 4.

"I'm excited to be Mason's uncle." - Kris. Plus 5, because he was probably sincere, but once again, E! made him live with the kid, in an adjacent room no less.

"It's important to me that Kris bonds with Mason. He's going to be a really good dad someday." - Kim Kardashian. Read: Just not with my kids. Minus 12.

As Kim bitches about "career" obligations, Kris observes, “Baby, by the time you have kids, no one will probably care about you.” Plus 125, because that probably sealed the divorce right there. Don't ever call her irrelevant!


At a welcome to New York party thrown in Kim and Kris' honor, the latter obviously does not want to be there. Plus 8 for the fact that this makes Kris more human to us, but Minus 17, because what did he expect here?

"You care about that. I don't give a f--k." - Kris, re: everything. Plus 14.

We forgot Scott Disick is also on this show. What a douche. Minus 40.

Despite playing for the New Jersey Nets (he's now a free agent) last year, Kris does not really like New York! "It's hard getting adjusted," he says. "Everything in New York is screwing me up." Namely his INSANE new in-laws. Plus 10.

And then the bomb: "I love you so much," he tells Kim, before peacing out of NYC to train in his native Minnesota. Shades of things to come. Minus 15.

Kim notes, in a moment of reflection, as if she's trying to convince herself, that "I should definitely be supportive of my husband." Yes you should. And enter into marriage for the right reasons and actually work hard on it. Minus 75.

She appreciates that Kris supports her career, whatever that is. Minus 12.

Kris tucks her in bed like he did the first time E! told him to when they first started dating and tells Kim he is grateful to get the hell out loves her. Plus 7.

An online petition calling for E! to cancel this krap has more than 168,000 signers. After this hour, you can make it 168,001. Plus 13 for starting that.





Kim has learned that by acting like a victum when she does somthing crazy keeps her from taking responsibility for her actions. It is amazing how self obsorbed she is with her looks and her environment. A good role model for young women today should expose this superficial life style and open up womens eyes to all the possibilities of being so much more than the material facade surrounding the Kardasians.


I think kim should grow up and start being real. I don't believe any woman would divource the love of their life just because he's messy. I think Kris is right - kim is fraud. period

Marie honsinger

After watching the first episode of New york, I truly believe now that Kris H got what was he deserved, he acted like a jerk from the beginning, he set himself up entirely for kim to react like she did, he just thought he was in the loop and that Kim would never leave him, from his messy ways done on purpose to irritate kim to telling her people would forget about her, and his constant nagging about her moving to Minnesota and the stupid way he reacted to the naked yoga guy was very child like, I can see why she got so sick of him, Sorry Kris by leaving New York away from you're wife was you're mistake, you should of never been so sure of yourself, deal with it dude.


Maybe it is just the editing of the film, but it did look like newlyweds needing to adjust to each other's lifestyles. It does not help when you have to include in-laws in the the mix with Kourtney and the baby with Scott, who has been with the family for years, not being able to tolerate it and then Scott left the hotel apt. before Kris. I think that they (Kim and Kris are both immature-actually Kris H. more and I was a fan of his). In this day and age when women can make their own money and support themselves they do not have to put up with oafs like that and better to get rid of him now. He seems like a big bore and very jealous of Kim and is always putting her down. He took off his ring while saying he still wanted to be married to her, he is no better. He got married too young and she just picked the wrong person. It happens.


After watching the first episode you can really see how shallow and obsessed the Kardashian sisters are. Being upset and "ruining my whole day" because he's messy? Are you serious. It that were the only thing ruining my day I'd throw a party!! Kris is much too good for Kim period!!! Way to go for standing your ground and getting the hell out of that house right in the beginning. As for Scott, jeesh get some b**ls man!! He left also in the first episode (of course he came crawling back) so what does that say? Kourtney used to be normal but sleeping with her kid instead of her boyfriend is really screwed up....if they intend to stay together she really needs to get back into therapy. Sorry but this whole show sucks and I won't be back for round 2!~~


I think from just seeing the first episode. 72 days was just too much days to spend with Kris Humpreys he is just too rough with Kim. He kept demeaning her and treat her bad. She can do without that kind of person. Go back to RegGie Kim.


Rather than lament the shortcomings of our culture and how we spend our viewing time, let’s take a peek into what really was said in the "Kourtney and Kim Take Manhattan" photo shoot, which was obviously shot way into the terminally ill portion of the Kris & Kim union: http://bit.ly/u144eg


Awesome read, but u forgot to mention the anal oil on Kris's pillow That would have been the end for me right there!


Hahahaha I loved your writing, you are hilarious! I just ran into this page while websurfing, but Im definetly coming here more often.

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Kourtney Kardashian Biography

Kourtney Kardashian Photo
Kourtney Kardashian is the least known of the older Kardashian sisters. She's probably the best looking, though. Kourtney has never made... More »
Los Angeles, California
Full Name
Kourtney Mary Kardashian