Last night's episode of Kourtney & Kim Take New York featured the return of Shengo. You know, Kim's former bodyguard? Well, this time he's off the clock, people.
We don't even need to tell you what happened. But we will.
Elsewhere, Scott Disick proved yet again that he is a Class A Douchewaddle who can't wait to conquer the business world. If only he had the slightest clue how.
Our staff member reviews all the scripted action right here:
Ryan Seacrest and his producers are doing everything they can to keep us tuned into the Kardashians, and that includes capturing pillow talk the morning after.
You all remember Shengo, right? The Australian bodyguard who was hired to protect Kris Jenner's cash cow once upon a time? Now Shengo finds himself in the same city as Kim, and this Aussie beefcake is off the clock.
It's time to have a few cocktails and see where the night leads us, because things aren't like they were the last time these two were alone.
Earlier in the episode, Kourtney accused Kim of falling for men too quickly. Kim loves the idea of being in love, according to her (now) boring, older sister. It's so easy to judge the singletons from the confines of your hotel suite, hmmmm Kourtney?
Just wait until Scott picks you up for lunch....Kim's single in the city and ready to roll around. So ready that we're all going to be there, even if we don't feel right about it. Shengo's looking as delicious as Kim remembered, and dinner's going well. He bought her Tim Tams, she had a cocktail.
All signs point towards sexy time.
To hint at a sleepover, Kim invites Shengo back to the Smyth hotel to say hello to Kourtney and Scott: "I'm excited for you...to see the place," she slyly tells Shengo. Ahh, but Kourtney and Scott have been asleep for hours. No matter. To the hotel!
We see the suite, we see the view, then we see Kim take off Shengo's shirt. In the midst of foreplay, Shengo realizes it's best that the curtains stay closed, lest those pesky cameras get more footage for a second 'Superstar' tape (which would be marketed these days as "art").
I think I speak for all the ladies when I call a bluff on Kim's morning-after face. My, how fresh and made up we look. No traces of rolling around in the hay to be found.
Does your glam squad sleep in your closet? And if so, why did they let you walk out to the important business meeting in that poncho? Your fashion sense is clouded by thoughts of the dreamy Australian, isn't it?
The other half of the episode was dedicated to Scott Disick and his desperate attempt at conquering the business world. After making a horrible first impression on Vitaquest CEO Keith Frankel in Las Vegas, Scott was ready to show Frankel how much of an asset he could be to the high-rolling honcho (or as my television co-viewer so bluntly put it, a "douche waddle who only knows how to express himself through money").
Frankel took Scott to a golf pro shop so that the little SOB could get himself a snazzy set of golf clubs. When told that he could get them custom-made, Scott said, "I mean, all of my clothes are custom. Why not my clubs?" Why not, indeed!
And the $4500 bill for a set of these custom clubs? Psssh, a write-off for Frankel. PS, I gagged when Scott's wet sneeze was captured on camera. Was that really necessary, Seacrest?
I was very confused by Scott's offer to pay the bill for what appeared to be a business dinner. While it's great you want to show these high-rollers that you can handle paying for a $3,500 meal, I believe you were part of a business dinner, which counts as an expense. Now your kid has to wear Dash samples until Kourtney's next paycheck.
Things get worse when Frankel takes Scott and "The Gooch" to a Rolls Royce dealership (the outside of the dealership said Bentley, but I believe Scott walked away with a Rolls. Regardless, he spent enough money to qualify for a mortgage).
The less I know about "The Gooch," the better. I can only imagine where that nickname came from, or how many trunks he's had to get himself out of. Because Scott has no idea how to handle himself in front of his new business-minded friends, he signs Mason's college fund away for a fancy new set of wheels.
Naturally Kourtney has a Klonopin-controlled fit and tells Scott to return the vehicle. Scott, mortified at the though of telling the dealership he can't afford this car, calls Frankel for advice. Frankel, reading from his script, guides Scott towards returning that car with dignity, and walking away a smarter man.
We end with images of Kim's Australian wedding to Shengo. Kourtney visualizes how picturesque and full of eucalyptus trees the ceremony will be, to which Kim so defensively points out, "You're being so racist towards all Australians."
That's YOUR boy, Kim.