Thank goodness. The nation can finally let out a collective sigh of relief.
Over 20 years ago, Mark Gastineau - the former New York Jets star and father of talentless socialite Brittny Gastineau - left wife Lisa for actress Brigitte Nielsen. The new couple had a son, the half-brother Brittny never knew...
... until last week! Through a series of connections and phone number exchanges, she had dinner with the man, the myth and the legend: Killian Marcus Gastineau.
"It was very weird and surreal," Gastineau told People of the meal, which was organized after her mother ran into Nielsen at Ivana Trump's wedding. "I didn't cry. I'm too tough to cry. But we hugged, we talked about old stories."
Killian lives overseas and doesn't speak English, but Brittny lied and said "he watched Gastineau Girls in Italy, so he knew what I looked like."
We're pretty sure no one watched Gastineau Girls in America.
Does Brittny wish to meet Killian again? Come on. Did her BFF Kim Kardashian get penetrated by Ray J on video?!?
"It's kind of hard to know someone in just one dinner, so I'm definitely going to stay in touch with him," she said. "But I'm going to have to learn Italian!"