Angelina Jolie Suicide Attempt Alleged By Tabloid

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Like, OMG. Angelina Jolie was apparently thisclose to ending it all before Brad Pitt heroically saved her from a rash suicide attempt, a certain tabloid reports.

While we can't avoid giving the National Enquirer its due - they blew the lid off Isaiah Washington f-word gate, John Edwards' love child with Rielle Hunter and Tiger Woods' affair with Rachel Uchitel - we're not buying this for a second.

Whether you believe it or not is up to you, but the gossip rag reports that after recently falling into a deep depression, Angelina Jolie attempted suicide!

Fortunately, life partner Brad Pitt sprung into action to make sure the mother of his 147 children wasn't Taking Lives - wow, she walked into that one.

The sultry brunette beauty confessed to Brad that she was afraid her suicidal tendencies would return after learning he had made plans to move out.

That would seriously drive us to end it all too.

BRANGELINA BEDLAM! Phew, Brad saved Angie in the nick of time.

Not that this actually took place, mind you, but we're guessing when the Enquirer editors made it up, Jennifer Aniston somehow factored into the mix.

Fortunately (and laughably) Pitt assured her the separation was temporary, and their love would survive the test. This is Oscar-worthy material here.

"Brad was in France checking on their chateau recently, and Angelina was in Los Angeles with the kids when she called him in a panic," a friend divulged.

"She told him, 'When you're not around, I get these terrible feelings. I got the same feelings when I was younger, and that's when I tried to kill myself.'

"Angelina said, 'I feel lost without you. I'm being abandoned.'" Thankfully, though, Angelina Jolie is still among the living as of right now. Good job Brad!

Nice Brad reassured high-strung Angelina he wasn't leaving for good, even if they're apart, saying "I'll always be there for you and the kids, I promise.'"

More on her bitter showdown with Jen next week, we're sure, thanks to tabloids have an In Case of Slow Gossip Week, Create Brangelina Gossip policy.


All Soo Lame: I love your entire synopsis of the whole situation. Let me just add this to fire - Angelina is not the first hot Hollywood Vixen that a fellow actor has left his wife for in a heart beat. Look at Eddie Fisher and Elizabeth Taylor or Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner. I agree with ASL Brad and Angie will not last, they will never get married and will stay in each other's lives only because of the bond with the children. Look at Brad's record with women - Some actress were dating material Juliette Lewis, or the fiancee, but not the bride Gwyneth Paltrow, or wife material, but not the mother Jennifer Aniston. Now he has the mother, but she will never be the spouse or the long time love he will grow old with - their temperment is not a match. Let these people lie their lives the best they can - no one is perfect.


Will every1 give angie a break! She saved my life!!!


I don't understand how Ms Aniston could humiliate herself the way she did when she let John Mayer talk about dumping her to the news people on the street, and then she went back with him talking all crazy about it was me he was talking about not just some girl. What in the hell was she talking about? Then she tells Opry yes I'm dating John Mayer all proud like. Then he turns around and dumps her again! Does this woman make any sense? Where is her self-respect? I think she might be the real suicidal candidate. Not Angelina. Angelina has that gorgeous man and those pretty kids. What a beautiful family they make. Jen, now you need to get yourself something like that.


Men don't go back to women they have left behind. Especially when they left for a good reason. And Angelina is a good enough reason for me! Nuff said!


Is that Jenifer Aniston writing these nasty, insane, stupid comments about her ex husband and his new wife under different names? Surely only SHE would be making these insane comments.


so now I guess Brad will be guilted into staying with this control freak, home wrecking slut, ho! Brad move on, she won't really do it!


...*yawn* ......where do they come up with these stories anyway?


I always thought that Home-Wrecker Jolie got pregnant on purpose just so Brad wouldn't go back to his wife. I don't doubt she's the sort who would pull some bullshit drama to keep her man from leaving her. She's always seemed like such a creep!


I hope it was true but next time Brad don't stop her! Maybe you will regain your looks and diginity if she is gone! I wish she was gone gone gone the world would be a better place and maybe those kids would have a chance. Money doesn't buy happiness or stability! Slice away Jolie!


Sick of lies surrounding Angie and Brad. Angie has almost everything. I thought Jen was about to commit suicide for all the frustrations she is going through.

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