Angelina Jolie Suicide Attempt Alleged By Tabloid
Like, OMG. Angelina Jolie was apparently thisclose to ending it all before Brad Pitt heroically saved her from a rash suicide attempt, a certain tabloid reports.
While we can't avoid giving the National Enquirer its due - they blew the lid off Isaiah Washington f-word gate, John Edwards' love child with Rielle Hunter and Tiger Woods' affair with Rachel Uchitel - we're not buying this for a second.
Whether you believe it or not is up to you, but the gossip rag reports that after recently falling into a deep depression, Angelina Jolie attempted suicide!
Fortunately, life partner Brad Pitt sprung into action to make sure the mother of his 147 children wasn't Taking Lives - wow, she walked into that one.
The sultry brunette beauty confessed to Brad that she was afraid her suicidal tendencies would return after learning he had made plans to move out.
That would seriously drive us to end it all too.
BRANGELINA BEDLAM! Phew, Brad saved Angie in the nick of time.
Not that this actually took place, mind you, but we're guessing when the Enquirer editors made it up, Jennifer Aniston somehow factored into the mix.
Fortunately (and laughably) Pitt assured her the separation was temporary, and their love would survive the test. This is Oscar-worthy material here.
"Brad was in France checking on their chateau recently, and Angelina was in Los Angeles with the kids when she called him in a panic," a friend divulged.
"She told him, 'When you're not around, I get these terrible feelings. I got the same feelings when I was younger, and that's when I tried to kill myself.'
"Angelina said, 'I feel lost without you. I'm being abandoned.'" Thankfully, though, Angelina Jolie is still among the living as of right now. Good job Brad!
Nice Brad reassured high-strung Angelina he wasn't leaving for good, even if they're apart, saying "I'll always be there for you and the kids, I promise.'"
More on her bitter showdown with Jen next week, we're sure, thanks to tabloids have an In Case of Slow Gossip Week, Create Brangelina Gossip policy.
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December 30th, 2009 5:23 PM
All Soo Lame:
I love your entire synopsis of the whole situation. Let me just add this to fire - Angelina is not the first hot Hollywood Vixen that a fellow actor has left his wife for in a heart beat. Look at Eddie Fisher and Elizabeth Taylor or Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner. I agree with ASL Brad and Angie will not last, they will never get married and will stay in each other's lives only because of the bond with the children. Look at Brad's record with women - Some actress were dating material Juliette Lewis, or the fiancee, but not the bride Gwyneth Paltrow, or wife material, but not the mother Jennifer Aniston. Now he has the mother, but she will never be the spouse or the long time love he will grow old with - their temperment is not a match. Let these people lie their lives the best they can - no one is perfect.
December 23rd, 2009 5:23 PM
Ok just a thought. I think it is really adoreable that you are all so attached to the outcome of Jennifer Aniston, Angelina, and Brad Pitt. It is truely adoreable so I will say this and nothing more on the subject. Everyone keeps refering to Jennifer as a druggie witch is kinda sad that your over looking the fact Brad Pitt still does drugs and always has but she is the druggie. HMMMM. Brad and Jenifer didn't work out but for the record neither will him and Angelina. I love how everyone points out Jennifers record with men but lets closely examine Angelinas (being a two time looser sucks huh)and last I checked Brad still hasn't married that Hot mess Angelina. The point is they are people with all of the probelms and issues many people come with. You probably have neighbors with similarly bad morals like Angelina, and aweful taste in men like Jennifer. The difference is you are all not sitting around and posting about them. And imo, anyone who looks like the have age 30 years in the span
December 23rd, 2009 7:13 AM
Will every1 give angie a break! She saved my life!!!
December 21st, 2009 9:57 PM
I don't understand how Ms Aniston could humiliate herself the way she did when she let John Mayer talk about dumping her to the news people on the street, and then she went back with him talking all crazy about it was me he was talking about not just some girl. What in the hell was she talking about?
Then she tells Opry yes I'm dating John Mayer all proud like.
Then he turns around and dumps her again! Does this woman make any sense? Where is her self-respect?
I think she might be the real suicidal candidate. Not Angelina. Angelina has that gorgeous man and those pretty kids. What a beautiful family they make.
Jen, now you need to get yourself something like that.
December 21st, 2009 9:47 PM
Men don't go back to women they have left behind. Especially when they left for a good reason. And Angelina is a good enough reason for me!
Nuff said!
December 21st, 2009 9:39 PM
What an idiot you are Alisa -
You took the words right out of my mouth EXCEPT
This is EXACTLY the Stunt ugly Jen Aniston would pull if she could lure Brad back into her thorn-filled bed of WOE - But it is NOT going to happen. Brad said "Fool me once ugly Jen, but NOT twice! "
And it takes TWO people to get pregnant you idiot. Brad gave his FULL consent for Angelina to be the mother of his babies when he said....."it felt like a natural progression with Angie!" And he did it not once, not twice, but THREE times.
Brad's little swimmers were sooo happy to find a drug free womb when he met Angie. His sperm had a field day! They were singing and dancing all the way to fertilize Angie's eggs. And Look at the beautiful babies they BOTH created TOGETHER!
And stupid you thought Angelina wanted babies just to hold onto Brad. Well here is news for dumb you. Brad wanted babies to KEEP Angelina in his life BECAUSE They both LOVE EACH OTHER and ALL THEIR CHILDREN. And didn't
December 21st, 2009 9:24 PM
Is that Jenifer Aniston writing these nasty, insane, stupid comments about her ex husband and his new wife under different names?
Surely only SHE would be making these insane comments.
December 21st, 2009 6:08 PM
so now I guess Brad will be guilted into staying with this control freak, home wrecking slut, ho! Brad move on, she won't really do it!
December 18th, 2009 8:29 PM
...*yawn*
......where do they come up with these stories anyway?
December 17th, 2009 8:37 PM
Brad and Angelina are very much in love and have a beautiful loving family together.
Angelina is no homewrecker. The lies about Laura Dern an all those other supposed husband stealing stories are just that LIES! Stop believing the LYING tabloids!
Brad divorced Jenifer because they had a fake-faux marriage and he was extremely unhappy with that boring woman and no longer wanted to remain with her. No man leaves a woman he loves.
Get off this Jolie bashing and wake up and smell reality.
Brad Pitt said he is where HE wants to be, with Angelina and THEIR children. He wants to have more children with Angelina.
Get off their backs and go and help Jen Aniston find a man.
Isn't it interesting that after 5 years Aniston has NOT been able to find a man to love her?
You people make her look so pathetic. After 5 years you keep talking about Brad going back to her. Well he left her and he has NO intention of returning to her. Help her move on. Find her a man who can love her. E