Like, OMG. Angelina Jolie was apparently thisclose to ending it all before Brad Pitt heroically saved her from a rash suicide attempt, a certain tabloid reports.
While we can't avoid giving the National Enquirer its due - they blew the lid off Isaiah Washington f-word gate, John Edwards' love child with Rielle Hunter and Tiger Woods' affair with Rachel Uchitel - we're not buying this for a second.
Whether you believe it or not is up to you, but the gossip rag reports that after recently falling into a deep depression, Angelina Jolie attempted suicide!
Fortunately, life partner Brad Pitt sprung into action to make sure the mother of his 147 children wasn't Taking Lives - wow, she walked into that one.
The sultry brunette beauty confessed to Brad that she was afraid her suicidal tendencies would return after learning he had made plans to move out.
That would seriously drive us to end it all too.
BRANGELINA BEDLAM! Phew, Brad saved Angie in the nick of time.
Not that this actually took place, mind you, but we're guessing when the Enquirer editors made it up, Jennifer Aniston somehow factored into the mix.
Fortunately (and laughably) Pitt assured her the separation was temporary, and their love would survive the test. This is Oscar-worthy material here.
"Brad was in France checking on their chateau recently, and Angelina was in Los Angeles with the kids when she called him in a panic," a friend divulged.
"She told him, 'When you're not around, I get these terrible feelings. I got the same feelings when I was younger, and that's when I tried to kill myself.'
"Angelina said, 'I feel lost without you. I'm being abandoned.'" Thankfully, though, Angelina Jolie is still among the living as of right now. Good job Brad!
Nice Brad reassured high-strung Angelina he wasn't leaving for good, even if they're apart, saying "I'll always be there for you and the kids, I promise.'"
More on her bitter showdown with Jen next week, we're sure, thanks to tabloids have an In Case of Slow Gossip Week, Create Brangelina Gossip policy.