Rachel Uchitel is either a serial liar or a serial mistress.
In October, she claimed to be having an affair with Bones star David Boreanaz. The celebrity gossip world reported on the story and then shrugged. No offense to Boreanaz, but he doesn't get our jucies flowing.
If Uchitel's latest story is true, however, she'll receive the proper attention she clearly craves.
The National Enquirer reports that Uchitel has been sleeping with Tiger Woods. A friend of Rachel's supposedly told the unreliable tabloid:
"Rachel told me, ‘I’m having an affair with Tiger Woods. We’re in love!’ She even read me text messages Tiger sent her that said ‘I love you, babe. It’s always going to be just you and me. They were constantly sexting."
Forget the iconic Tiger Woods fist pump, Rachel Uchitel says the golfer has been pumping her full of his nine-inch iron.
Tiger's lawyer denies the charges, but does actually tell the Enquirer's print edition that his client met Uchitel at a club.
That admission does cause us to wonder if there's any truth to this rumor. But one look at Elin Nordegren pictures and it's easy to realize: no way Woods is sticking his driver in someone else's hole.
If you know what we mean!
UPDATE: In unrelated and actually true news, Tiger is in "serious" condition after being involved in a single car crash near his home in Florida early this morning.
The crash occurred at 2:20 a.m. near his home, and he was taken to Health Central Hospital with facial lacerations. Woods struck a fire hydrant and then a tree on a neighbor's property. Police say alcohol was not a factor.
According to ESPN, the police report reads, "driver had just pulled out of the driveway at his residence ... as [vehicle] began to drive on Deacon Circle, [vehicle] struck a fire hydrant. The front of [vehicle] then struck a tree."
He was driving a 2009 Cadillac SUV. Here's wishing Woods a speedy recovery.
UPDATE, 12/1: Rachel Uchitel has denied the affair with Tiger Woods numerous times, although it appears Woods' crash may have stemmed from an argument he had with Nordegren regarding the rumor. Check out our Tiger and Rachel news sections (links right below the headline above) for all the latest on this developing story!
UPDATE, 12/7: Tiger reportedly paid Rachel a very generous settlement to keep quiet about their affair. Supposedly she had some really good dirt on the guy.
UPDATE, 12/13: Boy, this story really took on a life of its own. Not only did Rachel finally admit her affair with Tiger, but at least eight other women have too.
UPDATE, 12/22: There are rumors the two are still in communication!
We've got the latest on all the mistresses - and Rachel and Tiger, of course - in our news sections. Check back often for the latest on this shocking sex scandal!
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220 Comments
November 27th, 2009 2:55 PM
When you say that there's "no way Woods is sticking his driver in someone else's hole" is that a not terribly accurate metaphorical euphemism for "sticking his penis in somebody else's vagina"?
November 27th, 2009 2:56 PM
TIGER BE RIDIN DURTY wid dat Ho.. smakin that white azz...
now dat white beotch he be bonin gonna take some cash moniez from dat nigga!!
November 27th, 2009 3:13 PM
To the OP: maybe Elin stopped performing her 'wifal duties' and Tiger had to go elsewhere. Or she is really boring and he wanted some strange stuff. OP can be skeptical - but the Enq has pics of her checking into the same hotel as Tiger in Australia - while the wife was home with the kids. The weird thing is that he got mentored by Jordan - who was smart enough to pay pros (who keep their mouths shut) for 'play'. Tiger deviates from the gameplan and gets burned.
November 27th, 2009 3:18 PM
his nine-inch iron??? did you mean three-and-a-half, and not-so-iron?
November 27th, 2009 3:44 PM
Badly Hurt??? Like all news media - Facts wrong again, Woods is out of the hospital minor cuts. My Isuggest going back to school, maybe grade 3.
November 27th, 2009 3:46 PM
First MJ cheating on his wife (eventually leading to a divorce), and now Eldrick? And that crash seems highly strange. He was just a little bit away from his home, driving relatively slowly, leaving at 2:30 am, and had facial injuries. Where was he going at that hour?
November 27th, 2009 3:46 PM
There is some celebrity having sex with goats....It's hapenning right now!
So dissapointed your not covering that.
November 27th, 2009 3:49 PM
He should be sent back to the jungle with the rest of the monkeys. Then he wouldn't need to worry about money and he could poke whatever suits his fancy. Typical rich nigger.
November 27th, 2009 3:56 PM
"speaksthetruth" needs to face the truth, he/she/it's a pathetically racist, jealous "cracker". Learn a trade.
November 27th, 2009 4:06 PM
And we know tiger's "iron size", how exactly?
Thats right, we don't. But the media (especially the media that caters to women) must perpetuate the myth that black men are always well-hung.
Of course. Nothing ever changes.
Girls, trust me, it ain't true. It has nothing to do with skin color. Its all about your man's heredity.