THG Exclusive: Underkover with Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian!

Yesterday afternoon, Khloe Kardashian hosted a special speed dating session for sister Kourtney.

Supposedly meant to help her sibling find a suitor, the event was klearly a kontrived way to kome up with material for Khloe and Kourtney's impending reality show.

Well, three can play that game, ladies! The Hollywood Gossip sent a staff member undercover at the festivities. He was one of about 10 whole people that showed up for it. He filed the following report...

I got in line a little before noon. There couldn't have been more than a dozen dudes there. Good move holding the event in the middle of a work day. Are you trying to only set Kourtney up with jobless losers, Khloe?!?

It was 87 degrees out. But that didn't seem to bother Khloe, who just sat in her Porsche Cayenne, while 20 crew members tried to figure out how the dating interviews would actually work. There were also two SWAT guys, one police officer and multiple bouncers present; the 10 of us, which included at least one obvious homeless person, were almost outnumbered.

Finally, the event began. A Dash employee led the first couple suitors inside. Then, some random dude jumped out of his car, cut the line and was immediately escorted into the store. He walked out a few minutes later with his shirt off. **

A spy for The Hollywood Gossip is somewhere in this photo, waiting in line, nervous about his reality show debut.

Oddly, Khloe came out (sorry, kame out) a couple moments later and personally invited me inside. The girls seemed strangely excited to meet me, which I later discovered was due to the good word put in on my behalf by a Miami Herald reporter that I had befriended in line.

I stood across from the sisters. Kourtney quietly asked how I was doing. Before I even had a chance to smile, Khloe practically leaped over the table and asked: HOW'S YOUR PENIS?!? (It was growing more frightened by the second.)

Almost every question was asked by Khloe (Kourtney uttered the occasional "I like that" and no more) and almost every question was sexual in nature: What were my fetishes? Had I fathered any unwanted children? Did I have any STDs? When was my last sexual activity?

They said I was "hot" and had me take my shirt off, which gave me a chance to show off my six-pack. Okay, two-pack. Okay, stomach.

But they must have been impressed enough and/or contractually obligated by E! to ask for my cell phone number.

A few other notes from the afternoon:

• Both sisters are really attractive. Khloe isn't as gigantic as she looks in photos; Kourtney is just tiny. Like a beautiful gnome.
• I witnessed Dash patrons having to sign a waiver before they could enter the store.
• Someone on line told me that the clothing boutique is rarely actually open; unless cameras are rolling, the doors remain closed.

The show premieres in late summer and they assured me I'd be featured on an episode.

** Based on Kourtney's recent Twitter updates, this dude's name is Roberto, he was a ringer and she's going on at least one date with him. I feel so used.