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Grasping a hose and dressing like one of our celebrity gossip site’s favorite hoes, Heidi Montag is featured in the upcoming issue of Blender magazine.

Heidi is MTV’s love-to-hate poster girl, a villainous vixen from The Hills known for scheming and her evil boyfriend and celebrity gossip mainstay, Spencer Pratt. Here are a few excerpts from the magazine’s Heidi Montag interview

Spencer Pratt Shrugs While Heidi Montag Beams
(Entertainment Tonight)

On her gigantic, fake engagement ring from Spencer Pratt:
“It’s at home. I take it off at night because it’s big and I don’t want it to get caught in my hair or scratching my face, and I didn’t have time to put it on today.”

T.H. GOSSIP NOTE: Mmm hmm. That load of crap you just read is about as believable as Jan Adams saying he’s a reputable and licensed medical practitioner.

On some of her career plans:
“I’ve been dancing since I was 2 — hip-hop, jazz, tap, everything. I was a wicked stepsister in Cinderella. I was a fairy in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I was Beatrice in an old English play. Acting, singing, dancing, it’s always been in me.”

On her acting aspirations:
“I also plan to win an Oscar. I’m very ambitious.”

On how Heidi Montag is not a brainless shopaholic:
“I like to read a couple books at once. I was reading the Princess Diana book. I’m reading a book about Chicago and the mob. Right now I’m also reading the Bible, beginning to end. I’m very religious. That’s how I’ve gotten to where I am.”