Teen Mom Couples: RANKED From Worst to First!

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Ranking all of the Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 couples through the years is an arduous task, but one The Hollywood Gossip is up for.

Hey, someone's gotta.

If you're a fan of the MTV franchise, you've seen quite a few significant others come and go, while some have been longtime staples.

Some relationships have been terrific, while others were (or are) utter train wrecks. Here, we break them all down from worst to first.

NOTE: Due to his tragic death before Farrah Abraham gave birth to their daughter Sophia, Derek Underwood has been left off this list.

Everyone else, however, is fair game ... from the present to the distant past! Who do you think ranks number one? Do you agree?

29. Jenelle Evans and David Eason

Jenelle Evans and David Eason
David Eason is Jenelle's current husband and the father of her third child. She likes to gush about how perfect they are together and how much of a "REAL MAN" he is, but ... not so much. David has quite the criminal history and he's been accused of domestic violence by two of his exes, and later by Jenelle herself, who claimed in a 911 call that he pinned her to the ground so hard she thought he broke a bone. He's also allegedly abusive to her second son, Kaiser -- at the very least, he's controlling and mean to him. Oh, and then there was the time that he killed her dog and got all the kids temporarily pulled out of the home by CPS. Throw in all of the scary gun stuff plus the FBI investigation and the way the Teen Mom 2 crew was so scared of him that they refused to film when he was around (that little tidbit was definitely a big part of why she was fired from the show), then add in the fact that Jenelle seems set on proving everyone wrong and staying with him forever ... it just CAN'T end well. That's why this ongoing nightmare is the absolute worst.

28. Amber Portwood and Andrew Glennon

Amber Portwood and Andrew Glennon
Amber and Andrew didn't have a great beginning to their relationship -- they met on the set of Marriage Boot Camp where he was working and she was trying to salvage her relationship with Matt Baier while acting like an absolute nightmare. Still, apparently he saw something in her, and a couple of months after filming he had moved to Indiana to be with her, and shortly after, she got pregnant with their son, James. For a while, it looked like they might make it work, but things ended real quick after Amber beat him with a shoe and allegedly chased him with a machete, all while he was holding James. Since then, he's said that she was emotionally and physically abusive for months before the arrest, and they're still battling things out in regards to the custody of their son. Not a great love story, this one.

27. Jenelle Evans and Courtland Rogers

Jenelle Evans and Courtland Rogers
The worst of the worst right here ... for a time, anyway. Even by her standards, Jenelle and Courtland were a total and complete disaster ... almost worse than any couple in franchise history. Multiple arrests, massive drug abuse, one long stint in prison and a pregnancy that ended in an abortion tell you all you need to know. Jenelle, who has kids by three other sketchy dudes, would not go there with Courtland. Enough said.

26. Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley

Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley
Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley were awful together when they were actually together. He was extremely manipulative, she physically abused him ... it was bad. Things are a whole, whole lot better between them now, but we'll never forget seeing Amber trying to kick him down the stairs.

25. Chelsea Houska and Adam Lind

Chelsea Houska and Adam Lind
Chelsea Houska and Adam Lind were about as bizarre a couple as you could conjure up -- basically because she seems to be a pretty great person and he's, you know, Adam. Fortunately, she got it right the second time around (needless to say, she and her husband are much higher on this list) and the Housk has done the bulk of the parenting of their daughter Aubree. Meanwhile, Adam developed an addiction to meth and a string of domestic violence arrests, and now he's only allowed to see Aubree at a visitation center, which he still doesn't do. It's probably only a matter of time before he signs over his rights for her like he did for his other child, Paislee.

24. Ryan Edwards and Mackenzie Standifer

Ryan Edwards and Mackenzie Standifer
There are so many "yikes" to be had when discussing the relationship between Ryan Edwards and Mackenzie Standifer. She was only 20 years old when she got married to him while he was high on heroin, and somehow things have only gotten worse since. He's been arrested multiple times, he's been spotted looking for hookups on Tinder multiple times, and he just can't seem to kick that heroin habit. But no matter what, she's stood by him, and they've even had a baby of their own with another one on the way, if you can even believe it. It's ... it's such a bad situation.

23. Jenelle Evans and Andrew Lewis

Jenelle Evans and Andrew Lewis
Yeah, we haven't had the pleasure of seeing these two much beyond Jenelle's 16 and Pregnant episode, but that doesn't mean we don't know how terrible their relationship was! He was quite a bit older than her, and he abandoned her almost immediately after she gave birth to Jace. He would periodically send poor Jace gifts, but like cardboard boxes filled with sketchy toys, so .... Andrew recently tried to come back into Jace's life, but it didn't go great. Andrew is awful.

22. Jenelle Evans and Nathan Griffith

Jenelle Evans and Nathan Griffith
Yes, Evans is in a league of her own with these winners. This one fathered her second child and is engaged in a never-ending battle for custody of Kaiser. Nathan is no prize himself, of course, what with his multiple domestic violence and DUI arrests, so that's tantamount to a war of attrition. Poor Kaiser. This list is not all Jenelle, we swear. Eventually, the couples improve somewhat.

21. Jenelle Evans and Kieffer Delp

Jenelle Evans and Kieffer Delp
Jenelle Evans and Kieffer Delp weren't much better. It was during the Kieffer years that Jenelle turned to hard drugs, and she got arrested a whole bunch of times then, too. Delp, to his credit, did give us Barbara Evans' hilarious pronunciation of his name during her frequent rants to Jenelle at least. YA HIGH! YA BOTH HIGH! I SEE YOU WIFF KIEFFAH!! Classic.

20. Amber Portwood and Matt Baier

Amber Portwood and Matt Baier
Where do we even begin with this disaster? Amber Portwood's former boyfriend/fiance/Deadbeat Dad Extraordinaire Matt Baier had the dubious distinction of being SO BEYOND BAD for her that we're ranking her relationship with her high school boyfriend - who she beat on camera - much higher on this list. It's frankly amazing that Amber and Matt lasted as long as they did, considering how he hit on other Teen Mom cast members, had betweeen 7-9 kids (maybe more, the world will never know) from previous relationships, was never fully honest about his addiction issues, is 20 years her senior, and failed a lie detector test.

19. Maci Bookout and Ryan Edwards

Maci Bookout and Ryan Edwards
Ryan Edwards could definitely be the worst dad in the entire franchise, but if we're focusing solely on relationships, his with Maci Bookout was ... well, not the worst, but still not good at all. Even from the very beginning, he never seemed to love or respect her -- we all remember when he made her climb out of his huge truck to check a tire when she was very, very pregnant with Bentley. He chose clubbing and hanging out with friends and basically everything else over being there for her and his son, so it was wonderful to see her finally give up on her dreams of a happy family and face the reality of how much of a deadbeat he really was ... and still is.

18. Farrah Abraham and James Deen

Farrah Abraham and James Deen
We know. Farrah Abraham and James Deen were not in a real relationship, but that doesn't change the fact that she wanted us to believe she was dating this adult film star and that their high-production value quote-unquote sex tape was "leaked." Farrah's relationship with the truth has never been very strong. She insists to this day that she is not a porn star, despite starring with a porn star in a film entitled Backdoor Teen Mom, in which she takes ... you get the idea.

17. Mackenzie Douthit and Josh McKee

Mackenzie Douthit and Josh McKee
Mackenzie McKee and her husband, Josh, have been together since the beginning of time (or at least the short lived Teen Mom 3) and have three kids together. Josh has never really seemed like a gem, and as of now, he and Mackenzie are separated after she witnessed some questionable footage of him on Teen Mom OG. It could have been a storybook romance, but, you know, it wasn't.

16. Kailyn Lowry and Javi Marroquin

Kailyn Lowry and Javi Marroquin
This is another tricky one, because there was a time when Javi Marroquin and Kailyn Lowry really did seem to be devoted to one another. On the other hand, he was always very controlling, and there was that time that she hit him. Also he blamed her for a miscarriage. Javi's a pretty good father though, and he was a wonderful stepfather to Kailyn's oldest son. When these two get along, they do co-parent very well. It's just that, well, they seem to have a pretty tough time getting along.

15. Briana DeJesus and Devoin Austin

Briana DeJesus and Devoin Austin
Briana DeJesus and Devoin Austin, from 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom 3 fame, had a combative and strained relationship from the start. Their relationship didn't last, obviously, but the bitterness did -- for a while, Briana only allowed Devoin to see their daughter at her own home. Things were better for a while, and they even all went on vacation together, but things recently got way, way worse for them when Devoin took Nova to a pool and got drunk. Now they hate each other again.

14. Briana DeJesus and Luis Miguel

Briana DeJesus and Luis Miguel
Do Briana and Luis Miguel even count as a couple? It's hard to say, but if they do, then they're definitely not a good one. They hooked up, barely knowing each other, and Briana got pregnant. Luis urged her not to get an abortion or to pursue adoption, then he split. Really, he's just not around for their daughter at all. We did see him on the show, and they did have a child together, so he seems like fair game for the list. But the guy is just SO absent.

13. Javi Marroquin and Briana DeJesus

Javi Marroquin and Briana DeJesus
Yeah, this happened. Javi Marroquin and Briana DeJesus became a thing after he divorced Kailyn Lowry and she joined the cast of Teen Mom 2. Incredibly, this was not a stunt manufactured for drama, though it sure as heck produced it. Kail and Briana nearly came to physical blows at one point, while Briana and Javi didn't exactly end things on the most amicable terms.

12. Briana DeJesus and John Rodriguez

Briana DeJesus and John Rodriguez
We never got to see too much of John on Teen Mom 2, but for a while, it was looking like he might be a good match for Briana, Unfortunately, rumors started swirling about him cheating and lying and generally being awful, and of course Briana didn't care for that. It was a pretty unremarkable breakup, as far as Teen Mom goes, but still notable!

11. Kailyn Lowry and Chris Lopez

Kailyn Lowry and Chris Lopez
Kailyn Lowry and Chris Lopez are kind of unique in that we don't really know much about their relationship because they've both always said different things about it, and he refuses to appear on the show. We do know that they were friends in college, and that she got pregnant right around the time her divorce from Javi was finalized, and that Chris was just not interested in any of it. He missed doctor's appointments during her pregnancy, Kail said he had another girlfriend, and although he did show up when Lux was born, she later said that he got abusive just weeks later. Still, she's said that he's her first love (for real, she said that), and they did get back together for a few months before going back to hating each other. Then they got back together again, and so on and so forth. So ... yeah, it is and has always been a disaster.

10. Kailyn Lowry and Jo Rivera

Kailyn Lowry and Jo Rivera
Kailyn and Jo were horrible to each other when they were dating. Just really, really awful. Remember when Jo told her "You don't deserve to be outside enjoying the sun — you should be in a cave"? Way harsh. They've had their good times co-parenting Isaac, but things are often bad between them now, too.

9. Farrah Abraham and Simon Saran

Farrah Abraham and Simon Saran
Farrah and Simon dated for a while, and we think it worked out for so long between them because they had many similiarities -- they're both narcissistic and super thirsty for fame, mostly. But we have a hard time believing that Farrah is even capable of being in a healthy relationship, so their spot towards the middle of this list feels well-deserved.

8. Leah Messer and Jason Jordan

Leah Messer and Jason Jordan
Ah, another love we thought might last ... not so much though! Jason was a bit older than Leah, but since she has three kids, one with a terminal illness, a lot of people thought that maybe his maturity would be good for her. As it turned out, her kids thought he was a creep and he was weird and controlling, so Leah dumped him. So long, sucker!

7. Cheyenne Floyd and Cory Wharton

Cheyenne Floyd and Cory Wharton
Cheyenne Floyd and Cory Wharton are new-ish to the franchise, so while they share a child together, they were broken up by the time they began appearing on Teen Mom OG and we just don't know as much about them as we do most of the other couples. But they do seem to get along very well, and there's also always been a chance that they'll get back together. Like, they've never assaulted each other (that we know of), so for this list, they're pretty good.

6. Leah Messer and Jeremy Calvert

Leah Messer and Jeremy Calvert
Jeremy Calvert was married to Leah Messer, and they share a daughter, Adalynn. He filed for divorce during her struggle with addiction, and since then, they've hooked up a time or two (or more). This is another couple that's difficult to pin down, because they were definitely terrible for each other, but like ... in a franchise with this much abuse, there are bigger fish to fry.

5. Leah Messer and Corey Simms

Leah Messer and Corey Simms
We all know how this turned out. Corey Simms was married to Leah Messer, and they had twins Aliannah and Aleeah. They got divorced when Leah couldn't stay faithful, and honestly because they were too immature to be married with twins.. They've had their problems since, but Corey has always been a good father, and legitimately wanted the best for Leah, even when he was critical and concerned. He's a good guy, and he and Leah are an excellent team now.

4. Gary Shirley and Kristina Anderson

Gary Shirley and Kristina Anderson
Gary Shirley and Kristina Anderson are a remarkably good couple for Teen Mom standards. Sure, we saw him creep on Amber after she got out of prison, when he was definitely with Kristina, and that was bad, but Kristina is an absolute gem of a person, and Gary has really improved and matured in recent years. These two kids could make it all the way.

3. Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra

Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra
Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra are without a doubt the longest-lasting couple in Teen Mom history -- they've been together since they were 12 years old! Their love has lasted through traumatic childhoods, placing their first child for adoption, having a second child and raising her together through her severe postpartum depression and her subsequent stays in rehab. There was definitely a time when it looked like things were over between them, and they even separated for a time, but the birth of their third child seems to have really brought them even closer together.

2. Maci Bookout and Taylor McKinney

Maci Bookout and Taylor McKinney
Taylor McKinney and Maci Bookout are married and share two children together, Jayde and Maverick. His role as a stepfather to her son Bentley (with Ryan Edwards) has been a joy to watch, as has the couple's genuine love for one another. They're just so good together, guys, and even though they've had some serious things to work through together -- Ryan's heroin addiction, his arrests, that time they had to get restraining orders against him because he threatened to murder Taylor -- they always work through them. They're the best. Well, them and ...

1. Chelsea Houska and Cole DeBoer

Chelsea Houska and Cole DeBoer
Cole DeBoer is Chelsea Houska's husband and the father of her youngest children, Watson and Layne, and he's also Aubree's doting stepfather. No one is perfect, but if you're looking for inspiration for Teen Mom #CoupleGoals this is probably the duo you're looking at. A devoted dad and supportive partner, who does his thing and doesn't seem to care about the spotlight, Cole's got his head on straight and seems as good a match for Chelsea as you could possibly dream up. And as we've seen recently, he's very open to adopting Aubree if Adam Lind gives up his parental rights, but at the same time he's careful to let Aubree guide the process and decide what she wants. He's a total dreamboat, Chelsea is just wonderful, and thank goodness Teen Mom has at least a few functional relationships, right?

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Courtland Rogers, Gary Shirley, Adam Lind, Kailyn Lowry, Javi Marroquin, Jo Rivera, Maci Bookout, Taylor McKinney, Ryan Edwards, Chelsea Houska, Simon Saran, Farrah Abraham, Briana DeJesus, Leah Messer, Jeremy Calvert, Corey Simms, Mackenzie Standifer, Andrew Glennon
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