90 Day Fiance viewers watched and recoiled as Rob and Sophie clashed over elevators and bathrooms.
It’s not just the topics at hand. This level of bickering is not a sign of a healthy relationship. Obviously.
But it turns out that there’s something bigger at play, just beneath the surface. And it could tear them apart right now.
Rob Warne and Sophie Sierra
To start things off on Season 10, Episode 4, things are … tense. Sophie is anxious about seeing Rob’s sister for the first time in a while. Rob seems on edge. The two have been having arguments, and it’s not clear if it’s just about the elevator quarreling and Rob’s substandard apartment bathroom situation. Not an ideal start to their K-1 journey.
They meet up with Victoria
Sophie has met Victoria before, but that was different. She was just Rob’s girlfriend at the time. Now, she’s his fiancee — already on her K-1 journey. They talk about how it’s a bit of a ticking clock. While they’re not planning an extravagant wedding, there is a suggestion that Sophie would like more than just a marriage license to remember this milestone. Plus, by her third month, she might be feeling stir-crazy. (Honestly, you can really tell which 90 Day cast members have easy at-home hobbies by whether or not this happens. We’ve seen couples where all that one partner needs is their gaming computer or console and internet access and they’re good to go until they receive the right documentation to work, but others are more … complex)
So, what’s their stance on kids?
Rob and Sophie thought that they were more or less on the same page. It turns out that they’re not. Between the lack of an indoor bathroom and this, it’s like they’re doing a speedrun of Statler and Dempsey’s relationship, but without the cute moments. Sophie admits that she’s not sure that she ever wants to be pregnant. It sounds like it’s less about the idea of raising kids and more about the extreme horrors of what pregnancy does to a human body, not to mention the nightmare-inducing realities of childbirth. Meanwhile, Rob is in shock, as he apparently cannot imagine his life without having kids.
Oh no
The fact that these two are on a K-1 visa but haven’t talked about this at all? We really hope that they’ll eventually explain the confusion, because other couples have done so in the past in a way that makes sense. But it does sound like they just didn’t think about it. We should note that their age gap (which truly doesn’t matter for most things; they’re both adults) is a small factor here. Rob is in his thirties. Sophie, though evidently the more emotionally mature of the two, is only 23. Even without her personal hangup, that would be extremely young to be making serious plans to have kids. Meanwhile, Victoria is just wondering to herself how long they would have gone without discussing this if she hadn’t brought it up.
Rob gets up and walks away
He just sort of wanders around. We’re not saying that to poke fun; everyone processes these things differently. Rob seems to be in a daze. He confesses to the camera (outside) that he doesn’t want his life to be “just” him and Sophie. That’s … a huge thing to not really talk about. He even tears up while discussing this.
There’s more to this than the life-altering misery of pregnancy
This isn’t about permanently weakened teeth and bones or altered hips or the inherent risks of delivering a child. Sophie explains that, when she was a teenager, doctors found some sort of cyst. Though she underwent surgery for it, they warned her that it could have damaged her eggs. She admits to Victoria that she consciously distanced herself from imagining having kids because of this knowledge. Rob, who is working himself up to be angry while continuing to walk around, knows that she had the surgery — but perhaps not all of the details.
Sophie approaches Rob to talk
Separately, they both speak to the camera about why they feel so shocked. Rob says that he’s spoken about hypothetical children’s names. In his mind, this meant that he had communicated his intention to have kids. (I can see that, but plenty of childfree folks share similar hypotheticals) Sophie notes how they’ve discussed their future — one that has always mentioned animals (vague, but okay) and that neither of them has ever brought up children. In person, Rob treats her as if she has betrayed him. When Sophie asks that they not discuss this at an arcade, he asks how he could possibly enjoy this with this weighing on him.
“Even Jay-Z and Beyonce have kids”
It’s unclear what a billionaire power couple have to do with this or why Rob decides to bring them up, but he seems to wonder what he’d do with the rest of his life if he doesn’t have kids. (Speaking as someone who absolutely loves kids … you can just live your life? I’m confused by his confusion, but he’s probably speaking from a place of anger) Rob says that he’d probably “be a player” for the rest of his life if he didn’t want kids … implying that he’d never be partners with Sophie if she’s not going to bear his children. Rob ends up asking Sophie to “leave me alone” for a bit. This is … just miserable to watch.
Time to head home
Victoria tells her brother that she’s here “for both” of them, because she loves them both. She also shares that Sophie spoke to her about a medical issue, and that she hopes that Rob listens to her with an open heart. Rob seems to be spacing out as she says this, so it’s not clear if he was listening even then. To the camera, Rob says that he “could not walk down the aisle” with Sophie today, because of his apparently unspoken desire to have kids. (Again, talking about kids’ names is not saying that your heart is set on becoming a parent, though in fairness it would have been a good segue for Sophie to ask how he felt about that)
Not a fun car ride
Rob rides in a stony silence, barely responding to anything that Sophie says. This is not an appropriate or mature way to interact with your partner or to process a disappointment. Sophie would like to talk to him. She would like for him to listen to her as she discusses this. Rob is, instead, “shut down” to the point where she feels “like he hates” her. Sophie makes a great point to the camera, emphasizing that she — like everyone else on the planet — has no obligation to have kids, so it’s unfair to assume otherwise.
Even at home, Rob refuses to talk
Sophie tries to make peace by saying that she’s tired and going to bed. But Rob isn’t willing to do that, either. After sitting and stewing for a while, he announces that he’s going to walk his dog, Rome. Sometimes, you do need a walk to cool off … but there is not enough conversation happening right now. That needs to improve, and quickly, if they want any hope of a future together.