Keeping Up with the Kardashians Season 16 did not go out with a whimper.
It went out with a major bang.
… to Khloe Kardashian’s lowest point as a famous human being.
We watched in horror as Khloe learned the details of then-boyfriend Tristan Thompson making out with then-close friend Jordyn Woods, exploding over the phone at one point and breaking down into a pool of tears at many other points.
We Need to Get Her Out of Here
To open this emotional finale, Kourtney and Kim invited Khloe and best friend Malika on a girls’ weekend — which ended up up going viral due to video Kim posting shot of them singing in the car on their way to their Palm Springs vacation.
This Was the Photo in Question
It was all downhill from there for Khloe.
Contact from Tristan
Khloe said Tristan had been texting her non-stop in the two days since his Jordyn Woods cheating scandal broke. “A massage isn’t going to do it honey,” Malika told her.
How was Kylie Handling the Betrayal?
“She knows she put me in an uncomfortable position,” Kylie said of Woods, her closest friend on the planet. “We’re not, like, really talking.. … She’s probably the closest to me on this planet. … I’m in a really weird position because I care so much about my family; I also care about Jordyn.”
Is She Getting the Boot?
Kris asked Kylie about Jordyn’s living situation, considering she had been residing in Kylie’s guest house. The latter responded: “I just feel like she’s going through a personal journey that I’m obviously not supportive of. I don’t know how we are going to mend our relationship if she doesn’t figure it out with Khloe. I’m just like, ‘What were you thinking?’ She f-cked up.”
Not really. She didn’t get cheated on. But this scandal did and does impact her. “I just hope that there’s a light at the end of this tunnel, but I don’t see it right now,” she mused.
Enter… Kimora Lee Simmons?!?
Yes. Khloe FaceTimed with family friend Simmons, who urged the Kardashians to protect themselves and “not let people take advantage’ of them.
“F-ck these hoes,” Khloe then declared, taking this advice to heart. “Everyone told me how aggressive and crazy I am? I am. I’m going to go back to the old Khloe.”
Khloe continued along these angry lines: “For True I don’t want to act like that, but also for True I want people to be afraid. You want Khlo Money to come back? Guess what, Khlo Money’s coming back!”
Anger is Warranted
On a call to mom Kris, Khloe and her siblings agreed that taking a calm approach to crisis no longer worked. “This sh-t is so f-cking whack that these f-cking bitches think that they can go ahead and f-ck our men,” Khloe yelled.
An Understandable Explosion
“I think Khloe really held [her anger] back the first time because she just had a baby,” Kim said in a confessional about the FIRST Tristan cheating scandal. “I feel like she is ready now.”
Khloe Then Drunk Dialed…
… not Tristain, but called Tristan’s pal, Oguz, who claimed the basketball player was distraught. “I’ve never seen him like this in my life,” he said of Thompson.
Think Khloe Cared?!?
Think again. “Call me a f-cking waaahmbulance, bitch” she screamed over the phone. ‘Tristan, f-ck you if you can hear me!”
Fun with Alcohol… and Her Sisters
Khloe, Kim and Kourtney kept drinking, eventually playfully wrestling with each other as a distraction. “Khloe’s drunk and emotional, and I’m happy for her to get these feelings out, but I’m also a little bit scared for my life,” Kourtney said. “She could literally snap my neck off.”
Kylie Tries to Make Peace
“I just feel like we’re bigger than this, we’re better than this,” Kylie told Kim the next morning, addinf of Jordyn: “And I feel like if you want to call her or yell at her or do whatever you want, or let’s all talk in person. I just feel like the singing and the internet stuff; it’s just not okay.”
Kylie then claimed that she had seen Jordyn the night before and “she’s just obviously really going through it,” saying that no one deserves to be so publicly dragged through the mud.
Khlo Money, YOUR Problems
Back to Tristan now: Oguz told Khloe that Thompson was acting really weird. “Girl, the guy’s telling me some weird sh-t, like he’s so lonely and this and that, so I came,” he said. “I’ve never seen him like this in my life.”
“Liar!” she exclaimed after this friend alleged that Thompson didn’t remember what happened with Woods. “They both admitted it to me, both of them! That f-cking asshole! Don’t f-cking lie to me about f-cking lying!”
Jordyn Then Spoke to Jada Pinkett Smith
She went on the actress’ Facebook talk show and poured her heart out, saying she only kissed Tristan and that he initiated and, yes, she was sorry, but she also didn’t break up Khloe’s family.
Khloe Blamed… Kris for This?
Yes, at first, because Kris is friends with Jada and Khloe thought her mom could have pulled the plug on the episode. “Don’t back down because these people have no f-cking loyalty to you,” Khloe told Kris. “We are your f-cking tribe. And we will always love you and rock with you and do whatever. You don’t have to tell me twice, I got your back. I’ll do whatever the f-ck you want me to do. But sometimes I wish I felt the same from you. I think you have the best intentions. You could be a f-cking badass bitch to people.”
The Worst Part, Though?
Khloe couldn’t believe Jordyn was “doing press” while she’d still yet to apologize to Khloe. “The fact that she’s not at all of our doorsteps. You know my mother, you know my sisters,” Khloe said. “I talked to you about the first time Tristan cheated on me. I confided in you. Like, my world got destroyed while Jordyn is doing press interviews about it? Who the f-ck do you think you are?”
Nice Try, Scott
In a family meeting, Scott Disick suggested the possibility that Jordyn was just too scared to talk to Khloe. “You guys are some of the most powerful people in the world,” he said. Khloe’s awesome reply? “She should have been more scared to ever touch my man and she wasn’t. She was too f-cking comfortable.”
She hurled all the blame on Jordyn via a Tweet during Woods’ Red Table Talk appearance, which Khloe immediately regretted. “I just have no idea how all of this flipped like that. Like, I reacted out of emotion and I never should have tweeted,” she said on air. “But Jordyn made a point to say in her interview, ‘By the way, I’m not the reason they broke up.’ And I was just reiterating you are part of the reason.”
Eff My Brand!
Khloe also got pissed at Kim and Kris for saying her reaction would ruin her name or her brand. “Everyone’s so concerned about their image and how they’re perceived and blah-blah-blah and their brands,” she said. “Shut the f-ck up! Who gives a f-ck about a brand, this is my life. Who gives a f-ck about our image anymore. It has to stop.”
Yes, I Signed Up for a TV Show…
But: “It’s my real life. No one would ever fake this,” she said. “I get we’re entertainment, but we’re still human. Sometimes I think the world forgets just to be kind and that we’re all going through something. And maybe just be a little more understanding because it f-cking sucks.”
There’s no real conclusion here, as the fallout from the Woods-Tristan kiss is still being felt. But after Khloe apologized to her mom for her little outburst in her direction, she added to the camera: “I’m not just a TV show. Like, this is my life and it breaks my soul and it’s happened so many times.”