Kailyn Lowry is nothing if not candid in her new book.
Titled "Letters of Love," Lowry has said she penned this memoir with her three sons in mind.
Pardon the obvious pun, but the Teen Mom 2 star has said she wanted to be an open book with these kids, explaining to them how her life took such unexpected twists and turns and how she's almost apologetic for how they got caught up in it sometimes.
At the end of the day, of course, Kailyn wouldn't change a thing because she is now the mother of three amazing children due to her various decisions and relationships.
But she actually writes at one point that she came close to being the (everyday) mother of just two children.
Huh? How so? Meaning what, exactly?
Below, Lowry details the thoughts and fears she had while pregnant with Lincoln and how everything for her would have been EXTREMELY different if she had given into the latter back in the day...
A Quick Plug
This is the cover of Kailyn's book, which is available for preorder. She has dedicated it to her three kids: Isaac, Lincoln and Lux.
Here They Are!
Lowry shares Issac with ex-boyfriend Jo Rivera; Lincoln with ex-husband Javi Marroquin; and Lux with on-again/off-again boyfriend Chris Lopez.
She Loved Isaac From the Very Beginning
It didn't work out with Rivera, but Kailyn writes in her book how she was excited to be a first-time mother and how she fell in love with Isaac the instant he was created.
But What About Lincoln?
It was a little different the second time around, she admits. "I never thought I could love another person as much as I loved Issac," she explains at one point.
How Can Anything Measure Up?
"I didn't believe that I had the capacity to love the same way," she continues. "I was so afraid that I couldn't be the mother to Linc that I was to Isaac."
How Bad Did It Get?
Very, very, very bad, Kailyn writes: "I cried all the time. I was so anxious and I would get upset about everything. I worried all the time."
Quite the Confession:
"He was my whole world," Kailyn says of her mindset back then when it came to Isaac, making the following admission: "I even told Javi that maybe he should just take the new baby and I would go off with Isaac."
Lowry knows how this sounds, but she's just being honest here. "I could not believe that these were the thoughts that I was having, but they were real," she says."
But Then, Something Happened...
... Kailyn actually met her second child. "After giving birth to Lincoln, I cried so hard. When I saw him, it was instant love! I had no idea that I would be able to love him like I loved Isaac."
Some Personal Math:
"I had no idea that my love for both of them would multiply. In that moment, I knew that I could do it. I knew that I could be a mom of two boys... I quickly learned that love multiplies, it doesn't divide."
This May Explain the Anxiety
Kailyn also writes about the marital issues with Javi she had back when she was pregnant and concerned, as outlined above. She thinks they may have contributed to her anxiety.
Can She Elaborate?
Yes, she can... and does: "I feel like I rushed into things. I had a child at a young age; therefore, I felt like getting married to someone would be a resolve. After the first year, the relationship was extremely toxic, but we were already married. This was a lesson for me, but at the expense of my child."
She Writes A LOT About Her Marriage
"We were fighting constantly and not even sleeping in the same bed," adds Lowry. "I was overcome and filled with doubt at all times. I was trying to convince myself that things would get better in time, but they never did."
A Fairytale, Not Realized
Lowry continues on this point: "The reality was that I had been in search of a lie, and it wasn't because we didn't love each other. I would venture to say that it was because it was never meant to be. I was in search of happiness, but I kept coming up short."
A Life Run by Fear
"I was afraid in so many ways," Kailyn writes. "I was afraid to start over, afraid to fail at love again and afraid to be the mother of two children from two relationships that didn't work."
Did She Ever Cheat on Javi?
No, Kailyn inists. No, no, no. "I was just done. I was going to take my life back and begin to live for the boys and me."
Javi Has Read These Excerpts...
... and he isn't thrilled. The reality star has made that clear on Twitter.
And As You Can Also See Here:
And As You Can See Here:
It's All About Lincoln, Though
And Lux and Isaac, of course, for Kailyn. But after all she's gone through, it does seem as though Lowry is putting her three kids above everything else in life.