Another Jersey Shore wedding is almost upon us!
Okay, so Mike Sorrentino and Lauren Pesce actually got married back in November, but on the show, they’re just now entering the final preparation stage.
And — as is pretty much always the case these days — Ronnie Magro is dropping the ball and making things more complicated for everyone.
To be fair, however, Ronnie has a lot on his plate, and it seems he’s once again being abused by Jen Harley, whose love language is punching.
It all unfolded in ugly fashion on Jerzday night’s episode of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation.
Take a look:
A Simpler Time
Or was it? As far as we can tell, Ronnie and Jen’s relationship has always been abusive — a fact that’s never prevented them from posing for “happy family” selfies.
Not-So-Fond Memories
To remind us of how long this has been going on, Thursday’s episode of Jersey Shore took us back to late 2018, a time when Ronnie’s lies about Jen were so apparent that his castmates’ frustration was beginning to show.
A Bad Situation
When Ron nearly missed Mike Sorrentino’s sentencing, he claimed that he had been jumped in a parking lot in Secaucus, New Jersey — but last night, the truth came out.
A Happier Couple
As Mike and Lauren’s wedding planning comes to a head, Ronnie is absent for several key events, which is a problem, as he’s one of the best men, and there’s a whole freakin’ dance routine involved.
The Explainer
The reason, of course, is all the drama surrounding his relationship with Jen, a fact Ron finally makes clear in a series of Instagram posts.
Confirming the Obvious
“Sorry for lying to my friends and family, sometimes u love people so much your willing to lie and the hurt the people that love u the most to protect,” Ron wrote.
Sad Stuff
“Once you see Ron doing a post, you gotta look because you know that shit’s gonna be crazy,” said Snooki at one point, speaking the absolute truth.
Harsh Assessment
“He said he got beat up in Secaucus, but the other day, Ron did another Ron-page on Instagram, showed basically his face when he got beat up, and he basically said, ‘Jen did this. Sorry to my friends and family who I hurt,'” Snooks continued. “But I mean, you know, we can’t trust him.”
Called Out
It’s a harsh assessment of her Spiral Squad partner, but to be fair, Ronnie’s lie was insanely elaborate, complete with claims about Harley talking to the cops and viewing a line up of suspects.
Angeliner Is Shocked
“He said that Jen was talking to the detectives all day, so I believed him for a minute!” said Ron’s newest confidant, Angelina. “Lo and behold, the girls told me that, yeah, Jen punched him in the face. Wow. He totally lied to my face.”
Deena Is Pissed!
“He’s like a pathological liar!” said a very pregnant Deena, who would find cause to get upset with Ron several times during last night’s two-part episode.
Blaming the Victim?
But most upset of all might have been Jenni Farley, who has butted heads with Ron over his relationship several times this season.
Not Mincing Words
“I choose to keep my family’s business out of certain things,” Jenni blurted out, “where Ron purposely puts his drama out there because he can’t keep his dick in his pants, so it becomes part of our drama because he drags every one of us in it.” She later referred to Ronnie as a “f–king mess.”
No-Show?
When Ron told Mike he wouldn’t be coming to the wedding because he feared his castmates would give Ronnie a hard time, Snooki also got pissed.
Turning the Ron-Page
“He needs to be there for Mike, but I also don’t want him there if he’s still in this mindset of Ron-page,” she said. “And I blame it all on Jen because of what she’s doing to him. It’s like, any time something bad goes on with Ron, it’s always with Jen.”
Ouch
“Don’t feel bad for the kid. He does it to himself,” Nicole continued. “We’re all over it. I feel like I don’t know him at all anymore. I don’t even know who he is.”
Bad Guido Manners
Snooks’ assessment of Ronnie would not improve when, later in the episode, he was the only one who failed to contribute to a group baby shower gift for Deena.
Another No-Show
And things got even worse when Ron failed to show up for dance rehearsals for a routine that Mike and his best men were coordinating for the wedding.
The Downward Spiral Squad
Things came to a head when Ron nearly missed Mike’s rehearsal dinner and was confronted by Vinny and Pauly.
Making It Worse
Ronnie derisively told his friends that he doesn’t have time to “dance around” due to an excess of drama in his life.
Not Good
His friends were understandably not thrilled with the excuse, and the episode concluded on a tense note. Should be an interesting wedding!