For some strange and unexpected reason, Farrah Abraham appeared in April 2022 on Howie Mandel‘s podcast, Howie Mandel Does Stuff.
And let’s just say the former Teen Mom OG alum didn’t disappoint.
At one point, she
said she hasn’t had sex in three years.
At another point, she talked about her recent arrest… at another point, she talked about the possibility of adoption… and, at another point, she talked about maybe running for governor of some state someday.
She also delved into her plans to
become a stand-up comedian.
There’s a lot to unpack here, people.
So sit down. Settle in. And let’s go through it all, shall we?
Is She Talking to Her Mom These Days?
No. “[My mom says] I attacked my mother on the yacht on my birthday [last year]… she called CPS on me while I was in the trauma center… for now, my mom is in my heart, always will be, but it’s not a good thing.”
Does She Still Want to Adopt a Kid Someday?
Yes… if her mom ever stops calling Child Protective Services on her. “I think I would just have to keep that, like, secretive just so my child that I do adopt could just really live their best life and not be targeted.”
Did She Really Assault That Nightclub Security Guard?
“I stopped touching people in high school,” Farrah replied. “I’ve learned that I got more to lose than probably anyone else…I do not touch people.”
Why Did She Check Into the Makena Path Treatment Center?
“[I went because] in this past year I’ve been attacked like four times and they were horrific— from a sexual assault to some guy randomly handcuffing me to myself…. Work recommended this trauma center and a lot of talented people do go there and I was like, ‘Yes, I really need that. I’m not even going to fight it.'”
Did It Work?
Yes, Abraham explains. “I don’t even know if I’m scared anymore of being attacked because I’ve got the 12 steps! Twelve step that!”
What the Heck is This Stand-Up Comedy Thing About?!?
“I had a comic bring me to something secretive, unannounced, just to see what the crowd would do,” she said, declining to name this so-called comic. “I did [comedy] for five minutes, and he wanted to see the reaction and basically, he recorded it and he saw it was women standing up cheering me on and men laughing. So, I was like, ‘Even if I fail at comedy, I could be really good at TED Talks!’ So, either way I’m going for it!”
And She Also Wants to Be a Lawyer?!?
“I’m also going to legal school!” Farrah said on air. “JD, baby!”
Okay, Maybe Not a Lawyer. But…
“Well, I think I’d be like a VP of a network or something like that!” Farrah told Mandel. “Most of them have JDs in law.”
Was She Really Trying to Sell Her Poop Awhile Back?
“I was not,” Farrah responded. “I had people offer me $5,000 for stinky poop that comes out of me. I don’t even think that could go in the mail.
Come On, Farrah. Be Honest!
On the podcast, Howie’s daughter wasn’t buying Farrah’s “joke” explanation, bringing up the fact that there’s a video of Farrah talking about the making of these “special jars.” Said Abraham afterward: “Look how good my comedy was! People believed that and they ran with it. They’re like, ‘I wanna bathe in it!’ That’s not real.”
Does She Really Plan to Run for Office Someday?
“I actually empower other victims of assaults to actually run for like office positions,” Farrah said. “So that way we can improve, I don’t know, consent culture, and laws, and just bettering our lives. Be a mayor! Be a governor!”
You Can’t Just Magically Be a Governor, Though…
“I think once I get my public affairs and law degree done, I feel like I will totally be ready to help support so many people, and be hated by people for helping our economy,” Farrah said of her qualifications for office. “I think I just want that degree for people and their sanity.”
Okay. What are Her Political Goals?
“I mean, sky’s the limit!” Abraham said. “I love economics…I’m not going to do my political stand. I’m not going to do my campaign on a podcast. But when I am fortunate to be in a position that I can help others, I would definitely probably be like, over a district.”
She Won’t Ever Be President, Though
“I don’t know why but there’s just such a hateful connotation about being president anymore,” Farrah noted. “I would like to say positive president. But I also think being in the senate, being in congress, they are voting a lot for a lot of things that affect us. I often see that congress and the senate are affecting, like, the president. So, I just feel like, there’s so many seats there! Why not take a seat?”
What Does Farrah’s Money Situation Look Like?
“I feel like I’m OK internally now and I’m OK financially for sure, so I am really in a blessed place at 30,” she said, adding that her parents don’t give her anything.