Farrah Abraham is ... she's just so ... it's like she's always ...
Look, she's just a lot, OK? She's a lot to handle, she's got a lot going on, and it takes a lot to comprehend how she even exists in this world.
Lately -- or, all right, for nearly the entire decade or so that she's been famous -- it seems like she's really been intent on being the biggest mess she can be, and we appreciate that.
Except her wild and crazy decisions have had quite the impact on her daughter, Sophia ... and that's not so cool.
In the past few months, Farrah's been making increasingly poor parenting choices, so now seems like as good a time as ever to do a retrospective on her biggest fails, right?
Buckle up, because this one's going to hurt.
The Dream Team
This is Farrah and Sophia. They travel the world together, getting into all sorts of shenanigans. It is weird.
Here's the most recent shenanigan, and the inspiration for this look back on all of Farrah's fails -- our girl actually thought it was a good idea to take a photo of her nine-year-old in the shower and put it on Instagram. For real, she thought that in her head. And then she did it.
Juice ... or Not?
Also this month, we saw this photo of Sophia drinking this fancy beverage. It turned out to be juice infused with gold flakes, but you know what most people thought it was? Booze.
And shortly before THAT, Farrah was with Sophia in France, and Sophia shared this photo on Instagram. With the caption "I love my mamas booty." Because that's normal.
You might be thinking that that's a whole lot of weirdness for such a short span of time, but let's not forget that back in April, Farrah thought that a good mother-daughter activity would be butt injections. She was the only one who got the procedure at least -- Sophia just filmed it all for posterity. Still ... why does this have to happen at all?
Nope Nope Nope
Perhaps the most disturbing moment (so far this year, anyway) happened back in February, when Farrah admitted that she and Sophia run around naked together. And they take pictures.
An Actual Nightmare
"My daughter and I run around the house naked," she explained, "and we just live life free. I mean, we have naked pictures on our phones of each other because we're like a mom and daughter crew." And you have to live the rest of your life having read that quote.
So, So Bad
While we're here, we might as well delve into all the ridiculous, infuriating, terrifying things she's done as a mother, right? So let's go ahead and mention that in January, she may have announced on Snapchat that she had to get an abortion, and since Sophia has (or had) Snapchat ... seems pretty weird.
On the last season of Teen Mom OG, fans became particularly concerned for Sophia in this one clip in which she was seem growling and hitting herself during a dinner with Farrah and Deb. Just take a look at it if you missed it, you'll see why people were worried.
It's Too Much
Back in December, there was another little situation where one of Farrah's sexy videos was posted on Sophia's Twitter account. To be clear, she used her kid's social media to promote porn. Her own porn, even. Is there any way to make a complete list of all the ways that is reprehensible?
While roaming around Italy last year, she shared this photo of the long-suffering Sophia with her butt hanging out. Because these kinds of photos don't haunt children well into adulthood.
Well, That's Normal
In a less immediately disturbing but still really, really weird revelation, she once said that she no longer speaks to ex-boyfriend Simon Saran because Sophia doesn't want her to speak to him. Specifically, she said "I’m not allowed to talk to him because Sophia doesn’t like him." Is that how parenting usually works? LOL, no, you know these two are all messed up.
In perhaps the most alarming bad parenting move this girl has made, she confirmed last year that she'd pulled Sophia out of school so she could homeschool her. That's right: Farrah, a person who probably could not string together a coherent sentence to literally save her life, is in charge of Sophia's education.
“She’s doing homeschooling, so she gets to come to more events and that’s awesome," she explained in an interview at the time. “I decided to do that because, at school, I didn’t really want to make it about the bullying, dating, those things. It’s focusing more on her studies, while also traveling the world if she wants to do that while she is going to school."
She added that "She has a lot going on and this just helps her be the better her. We do virtual schooling and with the help of me or a tutor, it’s easier for her to get through it. She can be home. She can be anywhere! She’s virtual!”
That wasn't the first time we'd heard about the possibility of Sophia being homeschooled -- Farrah had said earlier that she was considering pulling her out of her old school because she's gotten in trouble for wearing too much makeup.
Let's see ... when Sophia was seven, Farrah made her the owner of her very own boutique -- she made orders for the store, had control over the employees, and took anything she wanted. You know, just normal things.
Oh, here's Farrah giving her small child some weight loss tea, nothing to see here.
In one Teen Mom OG scene that prompted a whole lot of outrage, Mother of the Year over here went off on poor Sophia for being too sick to get pumped about Easter -- she called her a heathen, then remarked that she was "too stupid to get ready." So nurturing.
God Bless America
In one particularly horrifying interview, she was asked about how she'd feel if her daughter followed in her footsteps when she got older -- the porn footsteps. In response, she said "God bless her! Because you know what, when you’re 18, and, if you feel that you’re vulnerable enough or your mother wasn’t there. Or if you feel you don’t have enough money in your bank account, and you decide to do that, then that’s your own choice."
Just ... What
If you need to take some time to think about that, it's OK. We completely understand.
Sure, This is Fine
For a while there -- and maybe this is still happening, it's hard to keep up with such a big mess like this -- Farrah was doing her best to get Sophia a modeling career. She shared pictures like this one, which, let's be real, is a little too mature for her age.
Stripping Jokes, Nice
Just look at that, and know that Farrah posted it. Can you even imagine what it's like inside her head?
An Appearance from Nicki Minaj
Remember that time that Farrah was feuding with Nicki Minaj? Nicki took issue with the way Farrah spoke to her mother on the show, so Farrah had Sophia film a video in which she said "Hi, everybody. Nicki Minaj is a total loser." Cute, huh?
Thanks, Tooth Fairy
Farrah has also been known to spoil Sophia -- like, she gave her $1,400 from the tooth fairy once. In real money. For a tooth.
Plastic Surgery? Why Not?!
When asked once about the idea of Sophia getting plastic surgery in the future, she said "I’m going to be supportive because it hurts me to see my daughter worrying about her looks, even right now, so that's sad.” Because why help her with self esteem when you could visit a surgeon?!
Let's go way back now, to that monumental time when Farrah made this quote about her child: "It's healthy that we have a break. She has her own life and is doing her own thing, and I'm doing mine." Sophia was four years old at the time, by the way.
Oh, and when Farrah was negotiating the deal for her sex tape with Vivid? Who else would she bring along to the meeting but Sophia?!
How Much More Can We Take?
And then of course there was the time when Sophia was three and Farrah thought it would be a good idea to wax her eyebrows. Surprisingly, little baby Soph wasn't cool with the idea, so her mommy just tweezed them while she was napping. Because hair on toddlers, gross, right?
And all of this doesn't even touch on Farrah's early days of parenting -- the times when she would leave baby Sophia unsupervised on a tall bed (she rolled off) or in a sink during a bath (she turned on the hot water and burned herself) or by the stairs with no baby gate (no incident there, thank goodness).
What a Ride
Imagine all the things we haven't seen on Teen Mom OG or that she hasn't posted on social media. Or actually, maybe don't do that -- it would probably be nice to hold onto a little bit of hope for this poor kid.