Farrah Abraham: Bristol Palin's a Creeper, Amber Portwood's a GD Psycho and Teen Mom is Friggen TRASH!

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Farrah Abraham's derangement has no limits, and she is here to remind Teen Mom OG fans that the show can never be the same without her.

In fact, she says that she can never be replaced on the show, trashing Bristol Palin and seeming to not be fully aware of the current cast.

Farrah, in practically the same breath, also blasts women who don't support other women. As always, with zero self-awareness.

Always keeping her fans in mind, she has whipped up a massive serving of word salad for her fans.

Does she make sense? No.

But we'll do our level best to walk you through what she had to say about Teen Mom ratings, Amber Portwood's relationships, and more.

1. Farrah will never change

Farrah will never change
Farrah wants everyone to know that Teen Mom is crumbling without her -- just as civilization itself would surely fail without her, we guess. She may not be on MTV anymore, but it seems like nothing will stop her from spewing word salad all over her "fans."

2. She's talking about her favorite subject!

She's talking about her favorite subject!
In a lengthy, rambling video, Farrah talks all about herself, how "great" she is, and all of the people whom she believes have wronged her.

3. She says fans are DEMANDING her return to TV

She says fans are DEMANDING her return to TV
Farrah say that she finds herself "bothered and bombarded" to return to reality television by fans. How frequently? Well, in Farrah's words, fans ask her "every day, if not weekly" whether she is returning to Teen Mom. What must it be like in Farrah's mind?

4. Teen Mom's "record low ratings" are because of one thing

Teen Mom's "record low ratings" are because of one thing
Farrah insists that it's not just her removal from the show that caused ratings to plummet, but the person whom they selected to replace her.

5. It's Bristol Palin's fault?

It's Bristol Palin's fault?
" think that the ratings are low because maybe Exhibit A, which is Bristol Palin," Farrah accuses, "who really had trouble, you know, with dealing with press and news about filling my shoes."

6. Farrah says she can't be replaced

Farrah says she can't be replaced
"I think even with Bristol some of the other girls they had put in there – I think there was three at a time to fill my shoes, maybe there was four or more, I have no idea," she at least is willing to admit. "Really you could take the whole cast try to fill my shoes and yet, not fill my shoes."

7. Farrah's brain really broke with this one

Farrah's brain really broke with this one
"… And you also have somebody who’s been on speaking panels with us for teen pregnancy who also tried to film my shoots and who couldn’t, as well moved to where I live and was like really weird and that’s like, White Girl Interrupted …" Farrah rambles. She seems to have merged Girl, Interrupted with Single White Female, but that's one of the MORE intelligible parts of that statement.

8. Then she takes aim at Amber

Then she takes aim at Amber
"… If you have to keep giving men lie-detector tests and they’re always lying to you, I think maybe sometimes it’s time to like, break apart from where you are," Farrah expresses, "which is surrounding yourself with where you’re stuck and just kind of stop doing the whole lie-detector testing thing and you know, free yourself." Farrah ... is actually right.

9. The Teen Mom producers? They deserved how Farrah treated them

The Teen Mom producers? They deserved how Farrah treated them
"I really react in a way to those people who, I guess really rode on my coattails, really didn’t respect a mother’s voice that they were supposed to document and show eloquently they definitely failed to do that," Farrah accuses.

10. She says they were lucky she gave them a job

She says they were lucky she gave them a job
"I still look back and I see, you know, people on the crew really overstepped by boundaries," Farrah reflects, "really not respect a mother’s voice and I think somebody who gave them all jobs and at a time where they were kind of lucky to be on an international franchise."

11. And, of course, they were "hateful"

And, of course, they were "hateful"
"I think really just respecting, really being hateful and again, just not having any sense of documenting true television goes to show I really wasn’t working with the quality of people who I should have," Farrah complains.

12. She's proud that she was so mean that she got fired

She's proud that she was so mean that she got fired
"I can only say I attempted to work with my main core story producer who, even though there was challenges and you know, she wasn’t a parent at the time and I think as an amazing parent that I am now and I look back at that, I’m actually so proud of myself that I didn’t even understand the degree of manipulation and hatred towards myself and being a stand-up, strong, single mom who, even when her parents don’t understand the dynamics of filming or what is being plotted against their daughter and them and their grandchild," she rambles.

13. She thinks that they deserved worse

She thinks that they deserved worse
"I am so proud of myself for actually being tolerant and as kind as I can be to people who really did not deserve it," Farrah asserts.

14. Farrah is SUCH a good mom, apparently

Farrah is SUCH a good mom, apparently
"Kudos to me, being a single teen mom and really just being track of a whole crew that was against me, you know,” Farrah raves ... about herself. “Kudos to me, being an amazing mom."

15. WILL she return to Teen Mom?

WILL she return to Teen Mom?
"I understand everyone’s pain, I understand everyone’s feelings, I get it. You want me to come back to ‘Teen Mom.’” Farrah says as if she reassuring a crowd of eager fans. “I have to say though, it’s kind of great feeling wild."

16. TV is all about business, or something

TV is all about business, or something
"Like, being challenged, growing up from being on a TV show encapsulated, which by the way, like, all I knew was TV, like, that was my life and you know, my life is still TV but in a business way and in an entertainment real business way to not be taken advantage of or manipulated against," Farrah rambles in an unhinged, borderline-gibberish manner.

17. How is Farrah so calm and balanced?

How is Farrah so calm and balanced?
"And you know, I am so lucky that I got all the therapy and more in the world so that I could truly come out balanced and stronger than my TV time," Farrah says. LOL!

18. Farrah's just grateful that she's not a loser like the Kardashians

Farrah's just grateful that she's not a loser like the Kardashians
"You know, some families get stuck there, like, you know, a Kardashian, like they are stuck in TV,” Farrah opines. “They don’t ever imagine their selves outside of TV. I wouldn’t want to see them outside of TV. I think TV is awesome for them. I never thought I could be strong enough to take a break and go be my real, wild self and grow myself."

19. She sees herself as more of a talented legend

She sees herself as more of a talented legend
Farrah compares herself to Christina Aguilera and music legend Britney Spears: "I really emulate and I am thankful for some of the things that I’ve seen, how their strengths and you know, how their careers have exploded and gone so much farther."

20. She also trashes Maci Bookout, specifically

She also trashes Maci Bookout, specifically
"I’m not succumbing to a man’s mediocrity or writing in my storyline like, thinking Maci’s an achiever when really it’s Farrah Abraham who’s the achiever,” Farrah decrees. “Are you a New York Times Best Seller? Somebody had to switch to a different degree or just drop out of college because of me."

21. Her real enemy? Internalized misogyny ... in other women

Her real enemy? Internalized misogyny ... in other women
"You know, it’s sad to see women hate on women, but it’s also sad to women reverse psychologied against you by males and vice-versa, so I am so blessed that now I see why there’s sometimes a negative stigma towards me because it’s allowed by the casting and other people of [‘Teen Mom’]," Farrah babbles.

22. The best women, she says, are men

The best women, she says, are men
"I would love to see a woman like me on TV again,” Farrah expresses. “I would love to see a woman like me who can be the man and the husband in the family, who really cares for a better relationship with her daughter, who cares to actually be a role model to other people in this community all over, whether, you know, all different formula families."

23. Bullying makes her feel strong

Bullying makes her feel strong
"I think others who feel intimidated by me, whether that’s men, whether that’s women," Farrah says, "and they all have to gang up on one person, I think that just shows how strong of a person I really am." That's one interpretation.

24. Wow!

Wow!
Farrah's word salads are infamous, to the point where we kind of feel bad making fun of it too much. Farrah's a terrible person, but whatever is going on in her mind that makes her words incoherent. Is it treatable? We have no idea. But Farrah will never find out, because she will never admit to herself or anyone that her words are scrambled.

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Farrah Abraham Biography

Farrah
Farrah Abraham is the star of Teen Mom and the mother of Sophia Laurent Abraham. Sophia's father (Derek Underwood) was killed in a car... More »
Full Name
Farrah Abraham

Farrah Abraham Quotes

[On her DUI arrest] I did not endanger anyone's life.

Jenelle [Evans] has all the potential to turn her negatives into a positive like I have.