The new cast of Dancing with the Stars has been announced.
It includes a washed-up rapper, a washed-up politician and many washed-up actresses.
It also includes the eventual winner.
Who will take home the Mirror Ball Trophy? We’re here to break it all down, starting with the participant most likely to be voted out on Week 1…
Rick Perry and Emma Slater
Perry is a polarizing politician and he’s 66 years old. So he won’t have many viewers on his side nor will he have youth and athleticism on his side. In short, the former Texas Governor’s chances of advancing beyond one week are poorer than his ability to remember which three federal government agencies he would eliminate. ODDS 10,000-1.
Marilu Henner and Derek Hough
We don’t want to bet against Hough. The guy has won it all six times. But Henner is 64 years old. As far as we know, she has no dancing experience nor does she ever trend on Twitter. ODDS: 35-1.
Maureen McCormick and Artem Chigvintsev
We know she’s good at taking a football to the nose. But what will that mean on the dance floor? Never underestimate the affection that still exists for the Brady Bunch, meaning McCormick will be a fan favorite. ODDS: 19-1.
Calvin Johnson and Lindsay Arnold
Football players have quite the winning history on Dancing with the Stars, from Emmitt Smith to Hines Ward. We could easily see Johnson following in those champions’ footsteps. ODDS: 5-1.
Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds and Allison Holker
Babyface can sing. Like, REALLY sing. We know he has rhythm and can feel a beat. But he isn’t Britney Spears. He’s not known for moving and shaking and he doesn’t have a young fan base. ODDS: 13-1.
Amber Rose and Maksim Chmerkovskiy
This is a tough one. You know Rose will get the word out to vote for her. She has 12.2 million Instagram followers. She also used to be a stripper. This means she has some moves, but may also be a bit polarizing. ODDS: 8-1.
Jake T. Austin and Jenna Johnson
Austin has the young fan base comfortably in hand. That’s about it, though. Being cute can only take him so far. ODDS: 20-1.
Terra Jole and Sasha Farber
Jole is the smallest competitor in Dancing with the Stars history. It will be interesting to see what this means. Our guess is that it helps her stand out in positive fashion. ODDS: 12-1.
Ryan Lochte and Cheryl Burke
Ryan Lochte is a moron. He’s also a liar. Yet he’s somehow also proven that he has the focus and determination to become a world class athlete. He’ll have the moves, but not the fans on his side: 25-1.
Laurie Hernandez and Valentin Chmerkovskiy
Hernandez is a Gold Medal-winning gymnast. She’s easily the most flexible contestant in the field and another gymnast, Shawn Johnson, has won in the past. ODDS: 3-1.
Vanilla Ice and Witney Carson
The Icy one will have nostaglia in his favor. He also knows music sort of well, so he probably has some rhythm. But his best days are clearly behind him. ODDS: 17-1.
Jana Kramer and Gleb Savchenko
It’s our favorite underdog! Kramer is not a huge name in pop culture. However, she sings, which means she can likely dance. And do NOT underestimate the passion of One Tree Hill fans. ODDS: 6-1.
James Hinchcliffe and Sharna Burgess
Hinchcliffe has a fan base, yes. But does any sport translate worse to dancing than driving a car? ODDS: 50-1.