Since the Season 5 premiere, Brandan De Nuccio and Mary Rosa have stood out on 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way.
They’re both young and attractive. But they’re also one of the most toxic couples in franchise history.
At least, they were. Now that they’re in person, things have improved.
But Brandan wants to confess something to Mary’s grandfather.
And he’s about to find out that Mary has been lying to him. If he’d told the same lie to her, she would be furious.
Brandan De Nuccio and Mary Rosa
Remember when the two of them kissed at the airport? Well, Mary’s brother knows. And the cameras captured it all. It’s not going to stay a secret for long. And while it shouldn’t have to be a secret, Mary’s grandfather doesn’t want them kissing without his permission. That’s right: kissing.
Good morning?
We put that question mark there for a reason. Brandan wakes up after an uncomfortable night. The sun is shining, he’s groggy, he is wearing more clothing in bed than many of us would wear to leave the house. Oh, and there are some very loud roosters. Remember, Mary lives a life that, for most Americans, is difficult to imagine. Except for ex-Amish survivors or perhaps people who grew up in extreme isolation in Appalachia. She washes clothes in the river. It’s just a very different way of life.
Everything is so uncomfortable
Brandan slept head-to-toe with Mary last night, while both of them were fully dressed. He had to turn and face the wall when sleeping on his side. This isn’t what he imagined or expected. He’s a grown man who has spent two years and tens of thousands of dollars on a relationship with his same-age girlfriend, only to learn that they are forbidden from even kissing without permission. Absurd and insulting. Again, Mary is Catholic, so if she doesn’t want to have sex, she obviously doesn’t have to. But where is the line between her grandparents’ demands and Mary’s own desires?
This has weirded out Brandan
Sleeping head-to-toe is a normal way for platonic friends to share very close quarters. Even then, many might just go ahead and sleep with their bodies in the same direction. Brandan feels confused. When he awoke to use the bathroom, Mary wasn’t there. He’s feeling rejected. Is it him?
About that …
Brandan’s feet were bumping Mary’s head, so she ended up leaving the room and sleeping there instead. Notably, if you are going to sleep with that arrangement, you need to keep that in mind. I’ve done it, with a friend crashing in my bed in the dorms, but I didn’t need as many blankets as they did, so my head was shielded from their feet. Mary and Brandan may not have the luxury of layering given the climate in the Philippines, so … they need to think of a better solution. You can sleep side-by-side without intimacy. Or Mary could just have another bed until they’re ready.
She’s shy
Mary admits to the confessional camera that this is so profoundly new to her that she felt uncomfortable. Well, that makes two of them. Though Brandan was asleep, Mary’s anxieties about intimacy were apparently on her mind. Honestly? We can’t rule out that one of them rolled over and she felt something in Brandan’s pajama pants while he slept. Mary doesn’t want Brandan to feel bad or rejected, and they both clearly care about each other. But … they need to figure out a sleeping arrangement that works for both of them.
Shower time!
This home does not have hot water. It also does not have a shower. So Mary boils water in a pan and adds it to a bucket of cold water so that Brandan can use it to “shower” himself while standing in the bathroom.
It’s not too bad
Brandan says that this could be worse, and that he doesn’t mind doing this long-term. We should remember that Brandan has known real hardship in his young life, including a period during which he was homeless and living out of his car. Also, we don’t know with certainty what Brandan and Mary got up to during their nonstop video surveillance of each other (I mean, think about it). But it’s possible that production has, at this point, seen more of Brandan than Mary has. (Even if their video chats were as horny as fans suspect)
Breakfast!
Though some fans found it off-putting, Mary feeding Brandan was sort of sweet. This is the sort of non-sexual intimacy that many couples practice, and it’s something that Mary finds more comfortable than sharing a bed. Mary confesses to the camera that she also hopes that Brandan puts on weight and becomes huggable like a teddy bear. That sounds like his decision — insofar as anyone can actually control their body shape.
“I don’t want him to know”
As Mary talks about how Brandan is going to learn how to farm with her grandfather, he asks if they should come clean to her grandfather about kissing at the airport. Mary’s grandfather wants Brandan to ask his permission to kiss Mary, who is a grown adult, but they kissed when they met. Brandan thinks that it will be better to just tell him, but Mary feels that Brandan does not understand what her grandfather is like.
About the farm
Brandan admits that he “had no idea what I was signing up for” when it came to helping her grandfather to farm. He was envisioning an American concept of farm work. Harvesting fruit, trimming branches. Instead, her grandfather is tilling mud that is underwater to prepare a rice field. It is not only a totally different way of life, but also a different type of crop and harvest.
Creative translations
With Mary as the translator, Brandan and Dionesio talk. But Mary seems to make some “creative” choices when translating. Brandan wants her grandfather to see and respect him as a man, while Mary says that he wants to “prove that he is a real man.” Extremely similar statements, but one shows that Brandan expects respect and autonomy, and the other suggests that he wants Dionesio’s approval. It just seems like she softened both men’s words for the other.
“They did not yet ask for my blessing”
At Brandan’s insistence, they confess (odd phrasing) to having kissed at the airport. Mary’s grandfather is unhappy, noting that they did not ask for his blessing or permission. After apologizing, Brandan formally asks her grandfather’s permission. He grants it … when they marry. This is extreme, obviously.
“Plan out your wedding”
When cultures set up rules so that elders must approve of kissing, it’s generally a way to spur people to marry before they’re actually ready to. Mary’s grandfather isn’t to blame for creating this tradition, but he is to blame for carrying it on. Mary’s bodily autonomy is part of her human rights, and no culture can change that. We have talked before about the differences between cultural differences and fundamental right and wrong.
A few days later
When Mary tells Brandan that they’re going to ride in a “tricycle” to the beach, he of course pictures a small child’s vehicle. What she means is a side car. They go to the beach to meet up with Mary’s friends. But she feels anxious. Not only is this an important first meeting, but all three of them are guys. Mary lists their names as Pong, Gello, and Puding. (Real talk, we do not know if those are their actual names or monikers for the show)
Do they like him?
This will be Pong, Gello, and Puding’s first time meeting Brandan. They like him, Mary says. But Pong doesn’t like that he didn’t want her hanging out with guy friends. That’s fair. Brandan then asks if Pong is aware that Mary didn’t like Brandan hanging out with friends who are girls, or even other guy friends, “because you would overthink about their girlfriends.” Again, a fair question. These two were extremely toxic to each other for a long time.
Puding, Gello, and Pong arrive
We’re very confident that they have no aims to steal Mary away from Brandan, and we suspect that Brandan will be able to discern that for himself. Even so … we, the viewers, know that Mary hung out with them recently without telling Brandan. Yes, the same Mary who broke up with Brandan while he was on the plane to see her because a woman was sitting near him.
‘”I want them to get to know each other first”
As for Mary’s friends, they have a lot of common sense. They stress that they want Mary and Brandan to be in a safe, happy relationship. And they want them to have time to get to know each other before they marry. So when Puding brings up asking if there’s a wedding date, Pong says that he shouldn’t rush the question. He’s a wise young man. And his outfit is perfect.
Brandan admits to having felt jealous
While he describes it as more like FOMO than a more intimate jealousy (which makes sense, now that he’s met them), he talks about how Mary spent hours at the beach without service. At this point, Puding spills the beans. He tells Brandan that Mary turned off her phone “many” other times to hang out with them without Brandan knowing. This is the same woman who had a meltdown when Brandan authentically lost wifi while fishing.
Brandan feels crushed
He never imagined that Mary would do this, because it’s totally hypocritical. She admits to it, and the show even plays footage of her unplugging her wifi while he sleeps so that she can slip away to hang out with friends. Brandan knows that Mary would flip out if he had done the same.
Puding didn’t spill the beans just to be a messy bish who lives for drama
He told Brandan because he wants Mary to come clean here and now. Without a foundation of trust, they cannot build a healthy relationship. Better for Brandan to learn now than weeks or months later. He’d obviously find out when the show airs if not before. This gives Mary a chance to apologize to him, and she does.
“I”m sorry”
After Brandan reminds her that he had to isolate himself from potential friends and even from family at her insistence, Mary tears up. Seeing him in person, perhaps it all seems so silly now. She apologizes to him again. Brandan also apologizes. Mary admits to the camera that she feels guilty.
Thank you, Puding
Puding tells them both that they need to “stop being jealous.” So true, king. He emphasizes that this is for both of them. Brandan reassures Mary and gives her kisses on both cheeks. He’s there, and they don’t need to spiral into overthinking and toxic behaviors. Gello speaks up, saying that they support the relationship. Honestly? Mary has some very good friends.
Pinky promise
Brandan locks pinky fingers with Pong, affirming that he doesn’t have a problem with Mary hanging out with him, Gello, or Puding. All that it took was meeting them to know that they certainly have zero interest in seducing Mary. But the point of it all is that Brandan and Mary should have trusted each other the whole time.